Accepting Praise Gracefully – how it helps you…and the other person

This post is provided by guest blogger, Allen Johnson, Ph.D.

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED how some people discount compliments?

“My, that’s a lovely dress you’re wearing today.”

“What, this old thing? I’ve had it for ages. I really should give it to Goodwill.”

After that you want to say, “Gee, I’m sorry; I guess you’re right. It does look a little tacky, now that you mention it. In fact, I bet you could search the world over and all the stars of the universe, and never in a billion, trillion years find a dress quite that tacky.”

Once in a speech class I conducted, I told a student that he had a beautiful speaking voice. “It has great depth and resonance,” I announced.

The student grimaced and looked at the floor. “Huh? Oh, yeah, I’ve got a cold,” he grunted.

“Wait a minute,” I said, launching into my lecture mode, “listen to yourself. You just discounted a perfectly good compliment. You denied yourself the pleasure of a little recognition, and at the same time gave me a kick in the teeth. That’s not good for either of us.”

When someone does receive a compliment gracefully, it can be bewitching. That’s how I felt speaking to a clerk in a ski shop in Vail, Colorado. When it came to beautiful eyes, she was in the Guinness Book of Records. They were light green, the color of Listermint-you could swim in those eyes for weeks and come out a Jesuit monk.

“I hope I don’t embarrass you,” I said, “but you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.” Then she really disarmed me. She looked straight at me, smiled sweetly, and said with all the poise of a confident, mature woman, “Why, thank you so much. How kind of you to notice.”

When she said that I got this dopey, lovesick look on my face. My lips parted in wonder-just enough to form a classy spit bubble. All my moral fiber wadded up into a useless hairball. In an instant I fantasized the perfect speech. “Oh, please let me take you home with me. My wife is an understanding woman. Or maybe I could just hide you in the garage; where does it say she has to know every little thing anyway?” (Of course, that would never work. My wife would find out and say, “You put that thing right back where you found it.” Oh-hum.)

People sometimes get the idea that receiving a compliment with confidence is egotistical. I have a three-word response for that: BUNK, BUNK, BUNK. Receiving a compliment with grace is simply saying that you value yourself as a person. To ignore, reject, or discount a credit is nothing short of self-abuse. It is saying, in essence, I am not worthy of your attention.

Accepting compliments is important for another reason. By extending your thanks, you are returning the tribute. You are, in a small way, praising your friend’s good judgment.

I believe that loving oneself is a prerequisite to loving others. Who would want to give a shabby, unwanted gift to another? Moreover, who would want to receive it?

The next time someone gives you a compliment, look them straight in the eyes, flash the old pearly whites, and offer a gracious thank you. You don’t believe in yourself enough to do that? Pretend. It will be good for you and good for your friend.

I’m curious…what do you think? How has accepting, or not accepting praise affected you? Let us know in the comments below.

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