You betcha!

This book is one in a series of girl-empowerment books by Carmela LaVigna Coyle, designed to let little girls know that yes, indeedy, princesses can do whatever they please, and that being a princess has nothing to do with outside trappings, but with inside feelings.  Feelings of goodness and worthiness, mind you – not entitlement, beauty or putting on airs.

Cole says she was inspired to write this book after her daughter asked her the title question.  It is written for pre-school level, so be prepared for the cute, whimsical rhyming. The text consists of a mother’s rhymed answers to her daughter’s questions about princesses, such as, “When princesses laugh, do they sometimes snort?  They have manners of every sort.”

What’s great about these stories is that they expand the idea of what it means to be completely and fully all of who you are – that self-esteem is based on accepting and loving you exactly as you are – the same message inherent in everything here at PersonalGrowthPrincess.com. Considering how many messages girls (and women) get about not being good enough, not being worthy, and, of course, that being pretty is what counts, this book is a wonderful counter-message.

Here’s a snippet from Carmela LaVigna Coyle’s biography:

“Hmmmm. An uncommon princess!? What’s that all about… well it’s about YOU!! And who you are on the inside. I wrote my first “published” book for my daughter Annie after she asked me the title question. “Do princesses wear hiking boots?” We were getting ready to go on a hike in the Rocky’s when she plopped down next to me wearing denim coveralls, a pink sparkling tutu, an old t-shirt, mismatching socks and a crown askew on her head. Before I could answer her question, she fired a second one; “Do princesses have to brush their teeth?” and then a third. (Can you believe it? Hand-fed a storybook title by a four-year-old? Happens all the time, I am told.) Quickly I discovered that she was trying to learn if she, herself, could possibly qualify as a princess.

The princess in my princess series climb trees, ride bikes-fast, plays soccer, dresses up (on occasion,) does chores, and loves to be outside in nature. Sound familiar? A princess doesn’t have to be fluffy and frilly to be the real deal… unless, of course, you like that sort of thing. Anything goes, my dears. “…A princess is a place in your heart.” And the best part? You decide what that is! Or not!”

I’m always drawn to these books, in part because of all the anti-princess messages I heard growing up (along with the “not yet worthy” ones), but also because of how they can impact grown women as well. Some members of Personal Growth Princess tell me that initially they were not drawn to the name of the program, because of the word “princess”, but once they read more about it and understood they were reacting from the negative conditioning they received as young girls, they jump on board. There’s something liberating about being able to think “princess” without thinking “wimpy”.

There are other books in the series, which seems to have become a runaway hit: Do Princesses Really Kiss Frogs? and Do Princesses Scrape Their Knees? and other titles.  The rumors are the latest book in the series, Do Princesses Have Best Friends Forever?, will be out near the end of the year.

What messages did you receive about who you were as a child? And was it OK to be interested in princesses? Could you kick butt and be girly?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Related posts:

1. The Princess School – the book series for empowered princesses

Lindsay O'Neill (courtesy of LindsayO'Neill.com)

One singer who is out to change this, specifically for young girls, is Lindsay O’Neill. Lindsay shares the sentiments expressed in the post, and has actually produced two albums (do they call them that anymore?) designed to combat the disempowering messages girls receive.

It’s women’s empowerment, at its playful best!

“Princess is Not A Bad Word” is the title song that talks about finding the part of you that is strong and true, smiling and being proud of who you are. It doesn’t mean being spoiled or weak. It’s fun and playful, with a strong message about being your own star.

“The Princess In Me” has songs like “Girls Be Girls” – punching big holes in the idea that girls have to be sugar and spice and everything nice. Instead, girls can be girls, make their own rules, and be what they want to be. How great would it have been to grown up with this message daily?!

If you have young girls in your life, you’ll want to get this music for them!
And, no harm in getting it for yourself, either. After all, what woman wouldn’t benefit from this message, too?

You can connect with Lindsay via twitter (@Lenser) or via Facebook. We just connected via Facebook and I discovered she’s a September baby like me!

p.s. Make sure you’ve also “liked” the Personal Growth Princess Facebook page!

Related posts:

1. Music, Expectations, and your Brain

I find that fascinating. Not because a particular name or brand doesn’t appeal to someone – that’s actually a sign of a great brand. It’s good that people recognize themselves in a brand or not.

What I’m fascinated with is the vehemence with which some women react to the word Princess – separate from any association with self-help book summaries. It’s as if it’s degrading.

I’ve got to wonder, when did the word Princess become such an insult?

I think it happened somewhere between childhood (when it was OK to think about princesses) and our first jobs – when we had to buckle down, get serious, and get others to take us seriously.There was no room for being playful and taking ourselves lightly. Believe it or not, I was once told by a colleague that no one would take me seriously because I smiled too much. (I was working in the field of education at the time.) Imagine how much you would start to hide your true nature if you thought that were true!

No wonder we learn to hide who we really are!

The term Princess is often used by judgmental people (both men and women) to tell a woman she’s asking for or expecting too much. That somehow she has stepped outside the boundaries of what she deserves and is getting picky or demanding. (I remember my sister being referred to as a princess when she bought a 5 year old Toyota Prism, that dared to have air conditioning, to replace her 10 year old, broken down robin’s  egg blue Opal.)

It’s this negative use of the word Princess that sticks with us and holds us back.

That is EXACTLY why a site dedicated to women being fully and authentically who they are, embracing the joys as well as the sorrows, relishing in the light and finding the value in darkness, is called Personal Growth PRINCESS.
(Read more about the true nature of self-rescuing princesses.)

It is because women DESERVE to have what they want.

We deserve the right to invest in ourselves. We deserve the time and resources to learn to love ourselves more, expand our greatness, and shore up any perceived weaknesses we think we might have.

And, dangit, women deserve the right to be selective about who we spend time with and what we spend out time doing.

We have the right to ask for what we want, the way we want it. We just do. That doesn’t make us snooty or stuck up. That makes us people.

Embracing the term Princess is a way of retaking control over how we judge ourselves, what we allow ourselves to experience, and how we let our inner joy and greatness shine through.

Princesses deserve. They just do.

Princesses have the right to make their own choices. They have the right to do what they want, while still honoring obligations. It doesn’t make us less responsible or overly self-indulgent. It makes us women with a bit of pizazz and sass who are committed to our own personal growth because we know that by committing to ourselves, we not only improve our own lives, but the lives of everyone we touch.

If you really want to go for a lighthearted way to re-frame what the term Princess means, take a look at the book series The Princess School. It’s a series of fun stories about the princesses you remember from childhood – Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, etc. – but with a new, empowering twist. Here’s a quick summary of The Princess School series.

I’m curious…has the term Princess ever been used to make you feel ashamed or to get you to change your behavior? If so, what did you do? How did it affect you? Leave a comment below, or if it’s private, you can tell me privately.

Related posts:

1. What is a self-rescuing princess anyway?
2. The Princess School – the book series for empowered princesses

There was once a Green Pea Princess who lived in a garden on the hill.  Her name was Guisante.  She was a very sweet and tender pea but very forlorn.  Guisante was loved and admired by many in the garden but there was no one special that touched her heart.  This made her feel very sad and and want to withdraw deep inside of her green pea pod.

In the springtime Guisante watched as all of the other creatures found mates and she wondered if she would ever find one too.  Day after day, she felt more alone.  “Oh if only I had a podner, someone to share this beautiful garden with, someone to make life merry.  Surely I wouldn’t be lonely then.”

Deep within her heart Guisante did not know if a podner would ever find her.  There were several sharp-toothed slugs that guarded the perimeters of her garden.  No one could get in and she could not get out.  She felt trapped in the garden and very glum.  “No one will ever love me.  I will shrivel and become hard and dry like an old maid pea!”

She tried consulting the Sweet Pea Fairies for advice but even they seemed unable to help her.  They simply told her to relax in the sun.  Guisante couldn’t see how that would help her but she had nothing better to do.  So she found a nice spot in the sun and very soon she dozed off.  She found herself in a magical place of dreaming where she met a mystical being of shimmering light, that had the exquisite frangrace of a rose.  The Rose Fairy approached Guisante and told her that she had come with a special message.

“ Guisante you must change your mind.  You believe something that is not true.  You believe that you cannot be loved.  A very special prince is on his way to your garden and you must be ready to let him in.  find your way back to the rose in your heart.  Then all that you wish will come to be.  Don’t delay!”

Guisante awoke from the dream feeling very confused.  She did not know how to change her mind or how to find a rose in her heart.  “No one will ever love me!”

With no more hope and nothing else to live for, Guisante prepared herself to die.  She called in the blackest clouds in the whole universe and asked them to cover her.  The black clouds came and surrounded her.  The tree frogs began to sing a death chant.  “Goodbye dear world, you have been good to me but I am not worthy of living.”

With one last very long breath, she began to close her pod and withdrawal from the world.  But just as her pod was almost shut,    she was hit on the head by a big, fat, wet drop of rain.  It felt so good that in spite of herself she giggled.  She giggled and giggled as the rain poured down and filled up her garden with the waters of hope.  As she watched the swirling currents of rain she felt a desire to live.  She realized that there was so much love around her.

“The black clouds loved me enough to call in the tree frogs to make it rain.  And the tree frogs loved me enough to have sung a rain chant instead of a death chant.  They saved my life.”

Guisante felt a stirring of love so profound that a rose burst forth from her heart.  The tree frogs sang an ancient healing song as Guisante bloomed in love.   The garden came to grow and flourish and creatures came from all over to visit the magical Princess Guisante and find healing in her garden.

And yes one day a Green Pea Prince did appear on the horizon and when he saw the sacred garden of Guisante, he knew that he was home.  They lived happy and blessed surrounded by sweet peas, in the beautiful garden on the hill.

* This story was written April 5, 1997 by Annie Hart.
Used with permission.   [superemotions file="icon_exclaim.gif" title="Exclaimaition Mark"]

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Jane B. Mason and Sara Hines Stephens have written a fun, inspired, and empowering series of books about princesses. So rather than sitting around waiting for the next Princess Diaries book, get the Princess School series and settle in for an afternoon of sweet reading.

(They are written for girls, but I found that they apply to the Inner Princess we have, even as grown ups. And if you have young girls, I wholeheartedly recommend getting these for them. They are published by Scholastic.)

While the Princesses themselves will sound familiar – Ella (Cinderella) , Briar Rose (called “Beauty”), Snow White, Rapunzel – their antics and  adventures are anything but. Rather than waiting for their prince or knight-in-shining-armor to arrive and save the day, these young princesses set about learning about how to be a proper princess and how to take care of themselves in the process.

Think “Harry Potter” – only not so complex and not as much evil-doing. The princesses are attending school – duh – and have evil witches (who attend Grimm School) to deal with, as well as some nasty step-sisters and grumpy old fairies with a grudge. Of course there are other classmates who can’t handle how competent and kind the princesses are. And sometimes the princesses get a bit snippy, too. Just like real women.

In one of the books, Rapunzel dresses as a knight and participates in the jousting contest being held at Charm School – the boy’ school next door. And, you guessed it, she wins. But, not before she goes through the internal struggle of what will happen to her friendship with Prince Val if she beats him. This is the same dilemma many smart and talented girls go through as they grow up – what to do when the boys can’t deal with how smart you are. And, it’s also the dilemma many of you tell me you go through at work. Maybe not so much as before, but women in the workplace still face pressure not to be too strong or successful, and how to deal with it if their boss is intimidated.

In the first book, If the Shoe Fits, Ella does have a pair of glass slippers – but they are too big, so she stumbles around  and gets blisters trying to keep them on her feet. It’s the first day of school, her fairy godmother    is away at a conference, and she has no shoes to wear other than the glass slippers. What does this self-rescuing princess do? She goes barefoot – because nothing is going to keep her away from getting her education.

Here’s a quick run-down of the 7 books in The Princess School series:

1.    If the Shoe Fits
Ella receives glass slippers from her fairy godmother, but they are way too big. She decides to go barefoot because the only other shoes she has are her grubby slippers. With her feet bare  and her second-hand gown splattered with mud (thanks, evil stepsisters), Ella’s first day of Princess School is off to a bad start. Even worse – her Fairy Godmother is off at a convention and Ella’s going to have to get through the first weeks of Princess School without any magical help. But when she meets silly Snow, spunky Rapunzel, and beautiful, sheltered Rose, Ella begins to realize that with these friends, Princess School could be a LOT of fun

2.   Let Down Your Hair
On the first day of school, Rapunzel expects the other girls to all be silly, frilly girls. But when she get to know them she realizes they are pretty great – that they can be girly, but that doesn’t ’t mean they are wimpy. Not by far. She also found that even though she and Prince Valerian had been friends forever, she got something different from her girlfriends. They understood how life was and made her feel a part of something.

3.   Beauty Is A Beast
Beauty gets tired of everyone thinking she’s perfect and beautiful. She wants to be appreciated for who she is, not what she looks like or what she can do. She sets out to teach a lesson.

4.    Who’s the Fairest?
The Maiden Games are coming up, but Snow White isafraid. Not only will all students at the Princess School be facing off against the nasty witches who attend the nearby Grimm School, but Snow’s awful stepmother, Malodora, is one of the Grimm School’s judges. Snow knows Maladora will make something awful happen, but she doesn’t want to let her whole school down, including her best friends – just when she needs Rapunzel, Ella and Rose more than ever…

5.   Princess Charming
Rapunzel being a strong young woman who values her friendships, struggles with the possibility of losing her frirendshipwith Prince Val if she beats him – an age old struggle for all women. The Charm School for Boys is holding their annual jousting tournament and Rapunzel’s friend Prince Val is a favorite to win the title…thanks to Rapunzel’s coaching. Valis so good he can out-joust any prince–but can he out-joust a girl…the one who happens to be his coach? Rapunzel knows she has the skills to win, but can she keep her identity a secret throughout the tournament?  Will her friendship with Val survive the competition? And how will she ever fit her jousting helmet over all of that hair?

6.   Apple-y Ever After
This is a story about facing your biggest fears. For Snow White, it is entering the scary castle to find the magic mirror and undo the curse on her father who is trapped at sea. Her father comes home, but doesn’t remember her – and then the dwarves get all jealous and start sabotaging her relationship with her father. Not the normal princess story, is it?

7.   Thorn in Her Side
In this story, Rose has to deal with what happens we are “guilty by association”, and how to be kind even when the other person isn’t. She deals with others being angry with her because things didn’t work out for them – just like coworkers can be jealous of your promotions, your relationships, etc.

Related posts:

1. Do Princesses Wear Hiking Boots?
2. The Princess Project
3. When did “Princess” become a bad word?