Be honest with yourself when it comes to spending time with family and friends. If there are people in your group who are simply toxic, wouldn’t it be better to avoid them or limit how much time you spend with them?

What can you do to have more control over who you spend your time with? What choices can you make? What backup plans can you create?

Even the people you enjoy being around can cause you stress and anxiety at times. With that in mind, decide what’ll you’ll be doing before the holidays arrive – and stick to it. Choose to decide your schedule for yourself, rather than letting others dictate your holiday plans.

Of course, it’s OK to be flexible as well. After all, the holidays are about relaxation, too. Just make sure that any changes you agree to are changes you really want to make.

You Really Don’t Have to Do It All

Do you assume that you have to do everything to ensure the holidays are perfect? If so, ask yourself, “Why do the holidays have to be perfect, anyway?” How can you enjoy a fun filled holiday season, even if it’s a little imperfect and messy? Some of the best and most endearing memories are those brought about by imperfection.

•    Figure out a game plan ahead of time. If you think through your holiday plans beforehand, you can create a richer experience by focusing on the activities that mean the most to you instead of getting distracted by all of the busyness around you.

•    Delegate. Ask people to help you and enlist them in the holiday cheer and goodwill. Most people will be happy to help. Everyone could pitch in and do their share. Gently, but firmly, request the assistance you need.

Many times, family and friends mean well, but they just keep doing things the way they always have. If you’ve always done everything, they’ll expect that each year. It’s time to make the change, and start getting the help you need to make the holiday great while remaining happy and productive.

Remember the Less Fortunate During the Holidays

There are people all around us who struggle through life. Help the less fortunate know that they’re loved and cared for. If you’re religious, you can pray for them. You can visit sick children, bring cheer to elderly adults, and donate money, time or items to charities that you care about. This can really help you to put things into perspective.

It’s not always about what you get, but often about what you give, that really matters during the holiday season. If you keep that in mind and give what’s in your heart, you’ll be well ahead on the happiness scale, even when things get stressed.

Keep the Big Picture in Mind

Attitude is the one thing you truly have control over. People may aggravate you and stress you out, and things may go wrong, but you can control how you respond. Pay close attention to how you’re reacting. If you see that you’re getting stressed and upset, take some time to regroup and recharge so you’re ready to face the holidays again with peace and joy.

When you focus on the big picture, and what really matters, stress over the trivial things will becomes less important, and maybe even melt away, enabling you to fill your holidays with meaningful memories of the season.

Related posts:

1. Keeping Your Mental Health Strong During the Holidays
2. Staying Positive When You Don’t Feel Like It
3. Helping Kids Develop a Positive Outlook on Life
4. Lift – Becoming a Positive Force in Any Situation [Book Review]

The frustration, of course, is that staying positive is important for so many things in your life.

Here are a few techniques to improve your mood and experience the inner peace:

1.      Start your day with something positive. Decide each morning that you’ll start the day headed in the right direction. Instead of waking up on the wrong side of the bed and setting the stage for a grouchy day, resolve to experience something positive first thing in the morning.
Seriously – be deliberate about it!

• Develop a morning routine that you can repeat daily to ease into your day’s responsibilities. Determine what activities help improve your mood and put you on the path to positive thinking. Find two or three things you can do each morning that will set the stage for a successful day. As these become habit, add to the routine little by little.

• A routine will help your body and mind settle in and focus on what you need to accomplish. Instead of rushing around or forgetting important details, your plan will guide you through a peaceful set of steps that calm your mind and create unstoppable momentum.

2.      Set exciting goals. If you wake up each morning with nothing to look forward to, your mind may quickly latch onto negative feelings that can last throughout the day. And the downward spiral begins…Give your life focus by setting goals that motivate and excite you. Write those goals down and review them every day. Each day, take some small action that brings you closer to attaining your goal.

• Set aside a few minutes this week to write down all the reasons why each goal is important to you. How will you feel when you reach the goal you’ve set? How will your loved ones be affected? How will your quality of life improve?
• Spend a few minutes each day reading through this list. A big enough “why” can help you to overcome obstacles that are in your way.

3.      Surround yourself with positive people. If you want to feel better about your life, hang around people that encourage you and bring out the best in you. Spend more time with people that make you feel good about yourself and less time with those that complain about everything.

• Every cloud has a silver lining and it’s easier to find that silver lining when you hang around people that help you to see it.

4.      Remember that bad days happen. A friend of mine says “Life has mountains, valleys and missiles.” The “missiles” are the really bad days. When you have a bad day, don’t beat yourself up or dwell on it. Remember that tomorrow is another  day with exciting possibilities and challenges. That sounds a bit cliche, I know. But it’s actually true, too. Your next victory is right around the corner if you resolve to start with a fresh perspective.

These suggestions will only help if you put them into practice. Pick one or more of them and decide that your happiness is worth small changes that lead to a big payoff. Begin to experience the happiness you deserve by taking positive steps today that will lead to a bright future.

What are some of the ways you stay positive, or get yourself back in a positive frame of mind?

Related posts:

1. Helping Kids Develop a Positive Outlook on Life
2. Are the Holidays Over Yet? How to Keep a Positive Attitude During Stressful Times
3. Lift – Becoming a Positive Force in Any Situation [Book Review]
4. The Truth About Persistence

I find that fascinating. Not because a particular name or brand doesn’t appeal to someone – that’s actually a sign of a great brand. It’s good that people recognize themselves in a brand or not.

What I’m fascinated with is the vehemence with which some women react to the word Princess – separate from any association with self-help book summaries. It’s as if it’s degrading.

I’ve got to wonder, when did the word Princess become such an insult?

I think it happened somewhere between childhood (when it was OK to think about princesses) and our first jobs – when we had to buckle down, get serious, and get others to take us seriously.There was no room for being playful and taking ourselves lightly. Believe it or not, I was once told by a colleague that no one would take me seriously because I smiled too much. (I was working in the field of education at the time.) Imagine how much you would start to hide your true nature if you thought that were true!

No wonder we learn to hide who we really are!

The term Princess is often used by judgmental people (both men and women) to tell a woman she’s asking for or expecting too much. That somehow she has stepped outside the boundaries of what she deserves and is getting picky or demanding. (I remember my sister being referred to as a princess when she bought a 5 year old Toyota Prism, that dared to have air conditioning, to replace her 10 year old, broken down robin’s  egg blue Opal.)

It’s this negative use of the word Princess that sticks with us and holds us back.

That is EXACTLY why a site dedicated to women being fully and authentically who they are, embracing the joys as well as the sorrows, relishing in the light and finding the value in darkness, is called Personal Growth PRINCESS.
(Read more about the true nature of self-rescuing princesses.)

It is because women DESERVE to have what they want.

We deserve the right to invest in ourselves. We deserve the time and resources to learn to love ourselves more, expand our greatness, and shore up any perceived weaknesses we think we might have.

And, dangit, women deserve the right to be selective about who we spend time with and what we spend out time doing.

We have the right to ask for what we want, the way we want it. We just do. That doesn’t make us snooty or stuck up. That makes us people.

Embracing the term Princess is a way of retaking control over how we judge ourselves, what we allow ourselves to experience, and how we let our inner joy and greatness shine through.

Princesses deserve. They just do.

Princesses have the right to make their own choices. They have the right to do what they want, while still honoring obligations. It doesn’t make us less responsible or overly self-indulgent. It makes us women with a bit of pizazz and sass who are committed to our own personal growth because we know that by committing to ourselves, we not only improve our own lives, but the lives of everyone we touch.

If you really want to go for a lighthearted way to re-frame what the term Princess means, take a look at the book series The Princess School. It’s a series of fun stories about the princesses you remember from childhood – Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, etc. – but with a new, empowering twist. Here’s a quick summary of The Princess School series.

I’m curious…has the term Princess ever been used to make you feel ashamed or to get you to change your behavior? If so, what did you do? How did it affect you? Leave a comment below, or if it’s private, you can tell me privately.

Related posts:

1. What is a self-rescuing princess anyway?
2. The Princess School – the book series for empowered princesses

Jennifer Urezzio

Most of my clients are shocked when they find out that I have only read three or four self-help/spiritual books (that’s why I love Nina’s site).  We are living in an age, thank the heavens, of awareness.  It is the era of The Secret and The Law of Attraction.  This awareness movement is really in the infant stages and that means we are all getting our balance and determining how to walk our talk.

Whether you have been on your journey awhile or just starting out, I believe it is important to seek mentoring and guidance.  No one can do it all on their own.

The first step to selecting the correct individual for you is to be clear about what and who you want.  I suggest you sit down in a quiet location and connect to your heart. List what you would like a mentor’s or coach’s guidance to achieve for you.  I suggest also adding to the list the characteristics or qualities you would like this person to have (courage, grace, loving, etc).  This will help the Universe to start working its magic.

I’m honored to be a healer of healers, which means that leaders and healers seek me out to be their guide and mentor.  Some of them have shared their experience with securing the help and guidance of someone who just wasn’t right for them.  Some of these lessons were learned after spending thousands of dollars.  So, how do you select the right healer, coach, mentor, that is right for you?

A couple of indications that a mentor, coach, teacher, and/or spiritual leader and teacher, isn’t right for you are:

• Fear Language – The individual’s materials are filled with fear-based language.  An example of this is: if you don’t do this program or read this book you will not achieve what you desire. If you want to run screaming from the room after reading their materials, well…
• Pressure –  My business is healing and healing is my business.  So asking a possible client if they have made a decision about working with me is acceptable.  Creating a situation where I’m extending feelings of pressure is not.
• Healer Knows Best – It is appropriate – with your permission – for your potential coach to share with you their feelings on what direction your journey together could take.  It is inappropriate for any healer to dismiss your feelings and insist that they know best.

I’m a spiritual person and I’m also a tangible person. Expansion only really works if a person can implement what they learn into their daily life to impact reality.  Below are some suggestions for your selection process.

• Compare – So an individual has caught your eye.  As you get to know this individual, see how they fit with your request list.
• Experience – We live in the age of information.  I suggest you sign up for their newsletter, see if the healer offers a complimentary session, and/or read their Facebook and Tweets.  Get to know them and their message.
• Check In – The only person who knows what’s right for you is you.  Get in touch with your feelings about this person.  Would you want them on your team?  Remember, depending on the program, this could be your go-to person for the next 6 to 12 months.

To me, transforming your life is a Soulful process, not an intellectual one.  So I suggest that you allow your heart to lead the way and use the strengths of the mind to gather the facts and do the research.  At the end of the day, the best individual for you will be the person who you trust, creates a safe space for you to grow and expands, listens and provides healing guidance.
******************
Jennifer Urezzio is an master intuitive and the founder of Know Soul’s Language. Soul Language enables you to consciously connect with your Soul in a way  received through Divine Guidance. Understanding your Soul Languages allows you to access your own Soul’s guidance to accept your value, be more confident, have more impact and grow into a stronger leader.

If you are interested in exploring your own Languages or offering that discovery to someone else, please secure a complimentary 15-minute private session.  You can sign up for Jennifer’s newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

Select any category to see more posts.

In general, the Positivity Effect refers to the tendency people have to evaluate people they already like in a favorable light. That is to say, if you like someone, you tend to believe that the good things that happen in their lives are due to their inherent position. And anything negative that happens to them, you attribute to the situations surrounding them. Sort of a “they are good, the world is hard on them.”

The inverse of this is the Negativity Effect – which occurs when evaluating what causes the behavior of someone you dislike. (The person’s behavior is the cause of their downfall, and the world and situations around them are good, or at worst, neutral.)

What’s interesting is that both effects are attribution biases. There is a thought process involved (cognitive process) that helps us come to this conclusion. But usually it happens quickly for us, as if by habit. So to us it looks like a fact that so-and so did this and that’s why he got the result…when in fact he may have totally flubbed it up, but still received the result due to something else that happened.

The great news is that if we want our interactions with others to improve, taking a look at how Positivity Effect and Negativity Effect play a role could be pretty significant.

An example of how this may be playing out is right in front of us is with the oil spill tragedy in the Gulf of Mexico.
There are many players in this drama, with new ones added almost every day. And it’s fair to say that people are attributing blame, bad juju to some people, and others are not being judged that way. (Just so you know, I’ve heard all sides of this issue being referred to as “the bad guy”, so there’s quite a bit of specialized attribution going on.)

With the Gulf Oil Spill, who are the players you “like” or feel the most affinity with or have the most in common with? Are they trying hard to deal with a catastrophic situation but keep getting hampered by forces out of their control, or by people  out-to-build-a-name-for-themselves or out-of-touch other people you don’t like as much?

Notice – I did not name any names or interject an opinion, but you already knew who you liked (the good guys) and who you disliked (the bad guys).

If the good guys – for you – are the families and small businesses who are losing their livelihoods and are in a state of despair, then of course the bad stuff that happens is based on circumstances. They were going along with their lives, sometimes thriving, sometimes doing what they could to hang on, and in came the big bad wolf. Completely out of their control, and therefore no blame whatsoever.

With this attribution it would be virtually impossible to attribute the negative consequences to anything the US citizens might have done.

If the good guys – for you – are the leaders at BP who are doing everything they can to end the disaster, clean up afterwards, and make appropriate amends, then it would be reasonable that you would think all the bad things that are happening to them (the “government shakedown”, criticism about running PR campaigns, unfair judgments, etc.) are due to all those other unintelligent, uninformed people who don’t understand what’s really going on.

Even if you acknowledge that errors were made, if you fundamentally like BP, the oil industry, big business, etc., it would be virtually impossible to blame them entirely. We’re not talking a pass the buck avoiding the blame, but that you, because of the attribution you have made, will believe they are trying very hard to remedy a situation and that other people are getting in the way of the progress.

I’m definitely not making a case for either side…just pointing out that when you like someone (or a company, or a president or government) you will be more generous in your understanding, and more forgiving for their errors, mis-spoken terms in press conferences, and slowness or quickness to act.

But when you dislike them, you will believe, without a doubt, they they brought this badness upon them as a result of their bad behavior and poor choices.

This particular issue is extremely complex, so we often turn to generalizations in order to make sense of it all, or to even just be able to watch without collapsing into a heap of tears.

While it is complex, OUR behavior and assessments – who we attribute which behaviors and causes to – is not always so complex. In fact it’s pretty black and white…going right back to the Positivity Effect and the Negativity Effect.

To learn more about how the Positivity Effect plays a role in the quality of your individual life and relationships, you’ll want to check out this month’s featured book summary – Positivity, by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson on the Members Page.

Remember, you always have access to the resources for two months – the current month and the previous month, so make sure you download Positivity by Dr. Fredrickson before it is removed from the site on June 30th.

Where have you noticed the Positivity Effect or Negativity Effect showing up in your life?

With your husband? Children? The parent of your child’s playmate who never makes you completely comfortable? The tall burly, scruffy guy behind you in the grocery store? Your co-worker who always seems to get her reports in just before yours? Your neighbor with the obnoxiously loud car you hear at 6am everyday?

What would happen if you got to know them a little better? Maybe like them a little better?

Related posts:

1. The Trophy Effect [Book Review]
2. The Trophy Effect: You are not your mind – 55 minutes that will change your Life!

I was just reading an interesting post at clicknsave.com on this very topic. The author makes the bold statement that self-help books have a definite advantage over seminars, counselors, or coaches.

It really got me to wondering…are books better?

Obviously I’m a fan of books, but given the tens of thousands of dollars I’ve spent at personal development seminars, I’m a fan of them, as well.

On the surface level, the answer to the question would have to be “it depends”. It depends on you and how you process information. If you aren’t a reader, then buying all the self-help books in the world isn’t going to help you, other than giving you a quick boost of optimism and inspiration.

You have to actually USE the book in order for it to serve you – and if you do, then there are some definite advantages you get.

And when I say USE, I don’t mean using it to pick up people at the local coffee shop by leaving it out where people can see it! And I definitely don’t mean using it to prop up all the other self-help books piled beside your bed.

The point of the article I was reading is that books provide the best advantage because they are the only form of personal growth that can really accompany you wherever you go – whether in paper form or on your Kindle, iPhone, or other electronic device.

I like the idea of portable self-help and the advantage that gives.

But there are a couple of problems:   

• only a tiny percentage of books purchased are ever read past the first chapter.
• not everyone likes to learn by reading – some prefer to listen or experience.
• how do you know which of the thousands of self-help books on the bookstore shelf is a good one for you, or will effectively address the particular issue you are dealing with right now?

The truth is, you don’t. Which is why so many books never get read…and so much potential personal growth goes un-nourished.

Quite honestly, that’s why I started PersonalGrowthPrincess.com.

What if you could have a top-notch book summary that you can read in 15 minutes, or the audio version you can listen to in just a few minutes more?

What if you had some additional easy-to-use materials, like worksheets, checklists, or journal exercises, that helped you begin to apply the personal growth actions right away – in a manageable size?

You can glean all the primary elements of the book – and begin applying the author’s concepts immediately.
That way you can experience personal growth in shorter intervals of effort.

And, of course, if you do decide to buy the book, you will know with 100% certainty that it will be what you need.  (Which means you don’t waste money or time on books that aren’t right for you.)

So are books better a better form of self-help?

I’d have to stick with my answer of “it depends”, with a big hats off to the concept of books being the only experience you can take with you anywhere. And of course, with the book summaries from PersonalGrowthPrincess, you get the best resource in the best method of delivery.

So what do you think about the idea of self-help books being an advantage when it comes to your personal growth?
Leave a comment below and let me know what you think.

p.s. If you haven’t downloaded your free sample book summary from this site, make sure you fill our the easy form in the sidebar. It’s definitely worth checking out. You’ll receive one of most popular personal growth book summaries, plus some additional goodies to help you use the information right away!

Select any category to see more posts.

(If he’s reading this I’m sure he’s cringing at all the hyperbole. But, Hugh, I mean it. [superemotions file="icon_cool.gif" title="Cool"] )

Hugh has graciously given me permission to share his cartoons before, and I do so with every intention that you will click through to his site, sign up for his newsletter, and maybe buy a lithograph or two. (I don’t receive any commission, just the fun of knowing I’m helping spread the word.)

This is a business card he created for Pam Slim, author of Escape From Cubicle Nation. (That’s her book on the right.)

It captures the essence of what holds many of us back from really making a difference in the world, and in our own lives – the thought that we need permission.

Permission to think we’re worthy. Permission to think we’re good enough. Permission to think our ideas will actually make a difference. Permission to risk being different. Permission to be successful – whatever that means to you individually.

Permission to be a Princess, even.

Thanks, Hugh. As always, you are a gem.

Please visit Hugh’s site – Gaping Void Gallery.

Related posts:

1. 90% of Corporate Life is Feigning Interest
2. Why don’t personal growth professionals act with integrity?

What’s particularly intriguing is how this model ties in with the featured book summary for May, The Science of Making Things Happen by Kim Marcille Romaner.

One of the key elements in the Dynamic Opportunity Model is learning to be an observer. Sometimes we try to hard to figure something out, focusing on what’s not working and why it’s not working, that we neglect to see what is really there.

Likewise, the role of observer is key to the science of making things happen. Kim talks about how the act of observing directly affects what happens to the thing or person being observed, the actual activity of the observed. She talks about it in scientific terms, using experiments with berylium ions (subatomic particles), and then relates it to daily life at the human level. This is called the Zeno Effect. (Members, see pages 10-11 of your book summary for the full explanation).

What Romaner found is that when you measure the wrong benchmarks, you actually slow down the process of change. And the intervals at which you measure them has a direct effect on how slowly the process goes. This is called the Zeno effect. The good news is that when you start measure the right things, and measure them more frequently, it has the effect of speeding up the process of change – quite dramatically, even – which creates the Inverse Zeno Effect.

When you are measuring your progress, you don’t want to measure yourself in relation to the original condition (“Am I still in the same place financially?). Rather, you want to measure the progress you are making, the evidence you are moving toward the thing you want (“Look at all the things I’m doing to get out of debt!”)

The “right” things to measure are the times you do something well, the times you have a success, no matter how big or small. Measure yourself on what’s working, what’s “good”, and you will accelerate the process of making the shift toward more of that.

In the Dynamic Opportunity Model, if you keep looking at symptoms of the problem and focusing on your situation as it is, you will continue to get more of the same, in part because of the Zeno Effect – you are measuring the wrong things (The symptoms and what is wrong), and probably at the wrong intervals.

When you shift to identifying the underlying dynamic – and celebrate the fact that you have discovered it – you are able to reorient yourself. Your vision of the situation can change completely, releasing you to look for solutions and strategies. In effect, you are now measuring what is working, what is possible, and the shifts you are making, and the more frequently you do so, the faster you will experience change – transforming a problem into an opportunity.

Read the full post here. And to view the full book summary of The Science of Making Things Happen, log in to the members page.

Not a member? You can still join as a Founding Princess and lock in the basic membership rate for life!

Related posts:

1. How to turn a problem into an opportunity
2. The Checklist Manifesto – how to get things right [book review]
3. You Are A Spirit [Book Review]
4. The Tipping Point – How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference [Book Review]

But, how do you know that’s true? Maybe you have some empirical evidence from your own life?
If so, you probably also have plenty of instances where that didn’t seem to work.

TheFunTheory.com is a site dedicated to showing that something as simple as fun is the easiest way to change people’s behavior for the better. And isn’t that what personal growth is all about?

Here is a video demonstrating how to get people to take the stairs rather than the escalator – resulting in a 66% increase in people choosing the stairs.

If doing something fun like this can get people to change their physical behavior, in a way that enhances their health, where can you add fun in your life to get you to change your behavior, follow through more, keep in touch with people, work more efficiently, stay focused on your personal growth?

That’s what Personal Growth Princess is all about – giving you easy and fun access to the resources to help you do what’s in your best interests anyway. That’s why you see all the silly princess graphics and references…just keeping it fun to keep it working. [superemotions file="icon_biggrin.gif" title="Big Grin"]
p.s. You probably won’t be surprised to learn that TheFunTheory.com is a Volkswagon project.

What do you think?
Comment below and let us know where you add fun to help you do what you need to do.

Related posts:

1. The Tipping Point – How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference [Book Review]
2. Taking Action – Do Deadlines Really Work?
3. Video Flip Cam Goes Princess-style!

Seems a bit silly to ask that, doesn’t it? After all, everybody knows the difference, right?
Well, perhaps not so much…

Dabblers are people who “try” something out. They think about it, maybe take a teensy bit of action, but always have a reason they don’t fully commit. They don’t have time, they don’t have money, they aren’t sure, they aren’t sure if it will work…

Doers, on the other hand, well…Do. They make a decision and then take action. They may not get exactly what they want, but by DOING, they are at least moving in the direction they want, and can make course corrections along the way.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of places where it makes sense to dabble to your heart’s content – hobbies, entertainment, maybe even gardening (depending on your penchant for beautiful flowers or healthy vegetables), etc. I’m sure you can think of many places in your life where it makes sense to dabble.

But the question is, are you dabbling where you ought to be doing?
If you don’t like the word “ought”, ask yourself if you are getting the results you want in a particular area. If not, are you dabbling there, or have you truly committed, past the “trying” stage? Are you taking consistent action toward what you want?

For me, the distinction between doer and dabbler was a mind-altering one. It led me to take a clear look at various projects I’m involved in, and gave me a whole new way of evaluating the progress with each one. It was clear that where I was most frustrated, I was also dabbling. Where I felt most fulfilled, I was doing.

There were certainly areas where I wasn’t making the progress I had hoped for, but I wasn’t frustrated by it. That tells me that dabbling in those areas was OK with me. Obviously they weren’t priorities.

But, where something was a priority in my mind, but only worth dabbling in my actions, I experience monster-sized levels of frustration.

As a result of this, I have shifted how I think about my business and my personal life. It has given me great relief to stop beating myself up when I dabble in dabble-appropriate areas [superemotions file="icon_cool.gif" title="Cool"]  and a new sense of focus and mission in the areas which are my highest priorities.

What about for you? Are there places you are dabbling where being a doer would serve you better?

Related posts:

1. Personal Growth Princess on Blog Talk Radio