Personal Growth Princess » Self-Help Posts

Wednesday WOWs – Words of Wisdom [personal growth quotes]

Nina East — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 22:30:24 +0000

Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.
Gandhi

View other personal growth quotes (Wednesday WOWs).

September self-help book summary added to member page

Nina East — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 12:10:17 +0000

All new September content is now available in the Members-Only area.

This month’s featured book summary is The Passion Principle: Discover Your Personal Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationships in Love, Life and Work, by best-selling author, Donna LeBlanc, M.Ed.

I had a chance to meet Donna in person on a recent visit to New York City. She was incredibly gracious, inviting me to her beautiful home near Central Park. It felt more like “old friends gabbing” than “business owner meeting incredible best-selling author.”

I was so moved by my experience reading her book, interviewing her, and then meeting with her in person, that I hired her for some personal coaching. So far it has been exhilarating, though not necessarily easy.

Donna & Nina!

Each of us has a particular “style” we use to express ourselves in the world. In The Passion Principle: Discover Your Personal Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationships in Love, Life and Work, Donna LeBlanc describes the five signature styles she has discovered through her 20+ years as a spiritual psychotherapist.

Each of the styles has a powerful, positive manifestation, as well as a corresponding survival, defensive style. Understanding your signature style(s), healing the wounded parts and embracing the evolutionary gifts, is the key to breaking the self-destructive and self-defeating patterns that hold you back from the success and fulfillment you both desire and deserve.

Until you break through these patterns (which have become imprinted on your nervous system), what you really want will continue to evade you, you will continue to feel less than wonderfully worthy, and may be afraid that someone will discover you aren’t as great as they think you are.

One premise of The Passion Principle is that there are things in this world only you can do. Others may do something similar, but only you can do it the way you do it. You have special gifts to share, and, quite literally, there will never be another person exactly like you. Most people lose touch with this by the time they are adults. You have “forgotten who you were born to be, so you denied your radiance and hid it beneath multiple layers of self-protection, secrecy and disguise.”

I know you will enjoy learning about the 5 Passion Signatures, as well as the “shadow side” of each, through this book summary.

Also, Donna LeBlanc has generously gifted members of Personal Growth Princess with detailed explanations about each style’s triggers, ways of thinking, and pathways out of the self-destructive patterns.

Members, make sure to access your book summary, audio interview and transcripts, plus a whole basketful of bonuses from Donna via the Members page!

Princess Ring…a royal gift from Alicia Smith [video]

Nina East — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 18:50:19 +0000

I just received the most delightful gift from Alicia Smith – a long-time colleague and lovely supporter of PersonalGrowthPrincess.com.

It is a ring shaped like a crown. I made a short video of it so you could actually see it in action, as it were.

In the video I also mentioned the place you can get it if you want one…or if you want to send it to another princess in your life. The site is Personal Growth Cards – it’s an innovative card and gift service. You really have to see it to believe it!
You can select a card that will then be printed, written in your own handwriting (if you want), have a real stamp applied, and then mailed through the regular postal service. It’s pretty amazing. And for less than you can buy a card anywhere else. Gifts, of course, cost more, but it makes it so so easy to send a special, delightful gift to that special someone.

Anyway, take a look at the video. You’ll see how delighted I am!

What do you think? Who would you like to delight today???

The Trophy Effect: You are not your mind – 55 minutes that will change your Life!

Nina East — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 17:15:11 +0000

Last month’s self-help book summary was on The Trophy Effect: Destroying Self-Doubt, Discovering Your True Self, & Taking Control of Your Life Forever by Michael Nitti.
(If you haven’t had a chance to read the book summary, it will be available for 2 more weeks in the members only area.)

Michael Nitti is making it easy for you to get the Trophy Effect experience first-hand. You may remember me talking about the individual Trophy Effect coaching session I had with Michael. It was powerful in that it provided such a simple reframe – that resulted in an overwhelming shift. I continue to use the lessons from the Trophy Effect – sometimes laughing at myself for the silly traps I get myself into.

Michael is offering a teleclass on The Trophy Effect – this time for free. He says this will likely be the last time it is free. My guess is that after hitting the best-seller list, and handling the swell of coaching clients at the Anthony Robbins Companies that have flowed in since the launch of the new television series, he isn’t going to have a lot of time in the future for doing a lot of “freebies”.

During this transformational teleseminar, Michael will be leading you on an extremely revealing (and entertaining) tour of your own mind, where you will not only observe first-hand the source of that “little voice” that seems to thwart your every intention, but will actually learn how to over-ride it every time! In less than an hour, you will discover how to break free of all your fears and to move toward your future with clarity and purpose. After the seminar, you will be provided with access to an amazing series of Exercises (also free), which will empower (and condition) you to live “intentionally” rather than “in reaction” to your circumstances; resulting in a greater sense of freedom, connectedness, and joy!

I highly recommend registering for the teleclass which will be held on Thursday, August 26th, 6pm Pacific time (7pm Mountain, 8pm Central, 9pm Eastern).

p.s. You can participate in this class whether you are a member of Personal Growth Princess or not, though I highly recommend reading the book summary prior to taking the class. You can become a member of Personal Growth Princess by going here.
(Remember, for a limited time, new members will receive a copy of The Think Big Manifesto by Michael Port as a special Founding Princess gift!)

When did “Princess” become a bad word?

Nina East — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 16:57:43 +0000

When women hear about self-help book summaries, they are typically very excited and can’t wait to sign up. When they hear the term “Personal Growth Princess”, which is, simply, self-help book summaries taken a little more lightheartedly, they have one of two responses – they either love it and embrace the joy and playfulness inherent it, or they are turned off.

I find that fascinating. Not because a particular name or brand doesn’t appeal to someone – that’s actually a sign of a great brand. It’s good that people recognize themselves in a brand or not.

What I’m fascinated with is the vehemence with which some women react to the word Princess – separate from any association with self-help book summaries. It’s as if it’s degrading.

I’ve got to wonder, when did the word Princess become such an insult?

I think it happened somewhere between childhood (when it was OK to think about princesses) and our first jobs – when we had to buckle down, get serious, and get others to take us seriously.There was no room for being playful and taking ourselves lightly. Believe it or not, I was once told by a colleague that no one would take me seriously because I smiled too much. (I was working in the field of education at the time.) Imagine how much you would start to hide your true nature if you thought that were true!

No wonder we learn to hide who we really are!

The term Princess is often used by judgmental people (both men and women) to tell a woman she’s asking for or expecting too much. That somehow she has stepped outside the boundaries of what she deserves and is getting picky or demanding. (I remember my sister being referred to as a princess when she bought a 5 year old Toyota Prism, that dared to have air conditioning, to replace her 10 year old, broken down robin’s egg blue Opal.)

It’s this negative use of the word Princess that sticks with us and holds us back.

That is EXACTLY why a site dedicated to women being fully and authentically who they are, embracing the joys as well as the sorrows, relishing in the light and finding the value in darkness, is called Personal Growth PRINCESS.
(Read more about the true nature of self-rescuing princesses.)

It is because women DESERVE to have what they want.

We deserve the right to invest in ourselves. We deserve the time and resources to learn to love ourselves more, expand our greatness, and shore up any perceived weaknesses we think we might have.

And, dangit, women deserve the right to be selective about who we spend time with and what we spend out time doing.

We have the right to ask for what we want, the way we want it. We just do. That doesn’t make us snooty or stuck up. That makes us people.

Embracing the term Princess is a way of retaking control over how we judge ourselves, what we allow ourselves to experience, and how we let our inner joy and greatness shine through.

Princesses deserve. They just do.

Princesses have the right to make their own choices. They have the right to do what they want, while still honoring obligations. It doesn’t make us less responsible or overly self-indulgent. It makes us women with a bit of pizazz and sass who are committed to our own personal growth because we know that by committing to ourselves, we not only improve our own lives, but the lives of everyone we touch.

If you really want to go for a lighthearted way to re-frame what the term Princess means, take a look at the book series The Princess School. It’s a series of fun stories about the princesses you remember from childhood – Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, etc. – but with a new, empowering twist. Here’s a quick summary of The Princess School series.

I’m curious…has the term Princess ever been used to make you feel ashamed or to get you to change your behavior? If so, what did you do? How did it affect you? Leave a comment below, or if it’s private, you can tell me privately.

Innie, Minnie, Miny, Moe — How Do You Know Which Self-Help Expert Is Right For You?

Nina East — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 13:07:04 +0000

Today’s post is written by guest author Jennifer Urezzio, founder of Know Soul’s Language.

Jennifer Urezzio

Most of my clients are shocked when they find out that I have only read three or four self-help/spiritual books (that’s why I love Nina’s site). We are living in an age, thank the heavens, of awareness. It is the era of The Secret and The Law of Attraction. This awareness movement is really in the infant stages and that means we are all getting our balance and determining how to walk our talk.

Whether you have been on your journey awhile or just starting out, I believe it is important to seek mentoring and guidance. No one can do it all on their own.

The first step to selecting the correct individual for you is to be clear about what and who you want. I suggest you sit down in a quiet location and connect to your heart. List what you would like a mentor’s or coach’s guidance to achieve for you. I suggest also adding to the list the characteristics or qualities you would like this person to have (courage, grace, loving, etc). This will help the Universe to start working its magic.

I’m honored to be a healer of healers, which means that leaders and healers seek me out to be their guide and mentor. Some of them have shared their experience with securing the help and guidance of someone who just wasn’t right for them. Some of these lessons were learned after spending thousands of dollars. So, how do you select the right healer, coach, mentor, that is right for you?

A couple of indications that a mentor, coach, teacher, and/or spiritual leader and teacher, isn’t right for you are:

Fear Language – The individual’s materials are filled with fear-based language. An example of this is: if you don’t do this program or read this book you will not achieve what you desire. If you want to run screaming from the room after reading their materials, well…
Pressure – My business is healing and healing is my business. So asking a possible client if they have made a decision about working with me is acceptable. Creating a situation where I’m extending feelings of pressure is not.
Healer Knows Best – It is appropriate – with your permission – for your potential coach to share with you their feelings on what direction your journey together could take. It is inappropriate for any healer to dismiss your feelings and insist that they know best.

I’m a spiritual person and I’m also a tangible person. Expansion only really works if a person can implement what they learn into their daily life to impact reality. Below are some suggestions for your selection process.

Compare – So an individual has caught your eye. As you get to know this individual, see how they fit with your request list.
Experience – We live in the age of information. I suggest you sign up for their newsletter, see if the healer offers a complimentary session, and/or read their Facebook and Tweets. Get to know them and their message.
Check In – The only person who knows what’s right for you is you. Get in touch with your feelings about this person. Would you want them on your team? Remember, depending on the program, this could be your go-to person for the next 6 to 12 months.

To me, transforming your life is a Soulful process, not an intellectual one. So I suggest that you allow your heart to lead the way and use the strengths of the mind to gather the facts and do the research. At the end of the day, the best individual for you will be the person who you trust, creates a safe space for you to grow and expands, listens and provides healing guidance.
******************
Jennifer Urezzio is an master intuitive and the founder of Know Soul’s Language. Soul Language enables you to consciously connect with your Soul in a way received through Divine Guidance. Understanding your Soul Languages allows you to access your own Soul’s guidance to accept your value, be more confident, have more impact and grow into a stronger leader.

If you are interested in exploring your own Languages or offering that discovery to someone else, please secure a complimentary 15-minute private session. You can sign up for Jennifer’s newsletter here and follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

Is your work great – or just ho-hum?

Nina East — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 15:16:42 +0000

What kind of work are you doing? Not the tasks themselves, but the quality or nature of your work? Are you doing good work? Not so good work? Bad work, even? Or are you amping up the meaning of what you’re doing so that it becomes Great Work?

The book being featured this month as a self-help book summary for members at PersonalGrowthPrincess.com is Do More Great Work by Michael Bungay Stanier. In this, his latest book, Michael sets out a course, or a path, to identifying what your Great Work might be.

Great Work is meaningful work. It is work that you know makes a difference and it makes you feel good – maybe even proud – to be doing it. It “inspires, stretches, and provokes” you. In short, it is work that matters – to you, first and foremost, and ultimately to others (even if they are oblivious to the work you’re doing, or of the need for it). When you are doing Great Work, you feel fully engaged, like you are “in the flow”.

But Great Work also brings with it paradoxes. It often has the quality of uncertainty and discomfort along with the thrill and flow. It is frequently new and challenging (discomfort) and may have possible risks (uncertainty). But this is also what drives innovation and evolution.

Everyone is capable of Great Work, but the 6 Great Work Paradoxes explain why it’s easy to be ambivalent about doing it – as well as why it’s hard to stick with it.

#1 – You don’t need to save the world…and…you DO need to make a difference.
You may have a grand vision or powerful purpose, but you don’t need to be a martyr, give up your friends, quit your job, embrace poverty, etc. in order to do Great Work. You also don’t have to attempt to save the entire world or solve all its problems. Sometimes changes on a small scale can make the biggest difference.

The desire to do Great Work is simply a call to do more meaningful work. It can be very simple or subtle. The point is that if/when you feel called to do something meaningful, you design your life so that you can.

#2 – Great Work is private…and…Great Work can be public.
Doing Great Work isn’t about getting recognition or winning awards – though that can certainly be a by-product. If you’re doing the work for the accolades, you can pretty uch be assured it’s not going to be Great. According to Michael, “because it is a subjective matter – Great Work is what is meaningful for you”. Often the reward or recognition is a private, internal one. YOU will know you’ve done something that matters. Others may or may not know it.

#3 – Great Work is needed…and…Great Work isn’t wanted.
The desire to do Great Work often comes from a personal sense of “I must change this.” Maybe it’s changing the status quo, maybe you just can’t stand by and watch the way something is being managed. Maybe the cost of tolerating something has become too great. Michael says that “Great Work shows up at the intersection where what needs to change in your world meets what’s important to you”.

The paradox is that sometimes Great Work is not wanted. You might be rocking the boat. Sometimes people doing Good Work feel threatened by someone doing Great Work. It can be a challenge, but because it is needed, you need to step up. (I remember being asked by a former boss to start doing things more half-way because I was making everyone else look bad. Shocking, yes? And clearly a sign that Great Work isn’t always celebrated by others.)

#4 – Great Work is easy…and…Great Work is difficult.
The ever annoying paradox. Many times when you are doing Great Work you’re in flow. You lose track of time, things come together as if by magic. But, lest you think it’s all wine and roses, Great Work can also be a grind. There’s a fair amount of discipline involved – you have to keep at it even when the flow is dammed up. It means dealing with things not working, with other people’s negativity, and all the other tests that life puts you through. (In the book, or in the book summary, you will learn about ways to manage this.)

#5 – Great Work is about doing what’s meaningful…and…Great Work isn’t about doing it well.
Great Work, by definition, is new and uncharted territory. You haven’t done it before, at least not at this level of meaningfulness. That means it won’t be perfect. But it isn’t expected to be. The impact you have, or the meaning the work has, is far more important than whether it is delivered perfectly. In order to do great work, you have to get comfortable with making mistakes,

#6 – Great Work can take a moment…and…Great Work can take a lifetime.
Sometimes great work happens in a single moment – a moment of you being at your best, a singular moment of impact. It can also be what looks like a single moment that is really the culmination of years of dedication that coalesces in that one beautiful moment. It can also be a life-long project, something that develops over time. Remember that Great Work can be difficult, so not every moment along the project will feel great, but what it all adds up to is Great.

If you’ve ever done work, or tried to do work, that is extremely meaningful to you, you have no doubt run up against one or more of these paradoxes.

How did you handle it? How did it stretch you and help you to grow?

Leave a comment below and let us know. Maybe sharing your experience here will help someone else…now that would be Great Work.

How do you know if your relationship will last?

Nina East — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 15:26:05 +0000

Have you ever wished you could predict if a relationship will last? It would be handy, wouldn’t it? No more heartbreaking anguish over breakups…

Mom & Dad, 49 years

This month my parents celebrated their 49th anniversary, and it got me to wondering what makes some relationships last while others wither away or crash and burn. Relationships aren’t all wine and roses, though that doesn’t hurt. So how do you know if yours will last?

Ronald D. Rogge, at the University of Rochester, has been doing research on relationships, and in particular, on the early years of marriage. In a study recently published in Psychological Science, the journal for the Association for Psychological Science, Rogge and two colleagues (Soonhee Lee and Harry T. Reis) examined if it was possible to predict the likelihood of a relationship lasting, or ending, within the next year.

The challenge with most “relationship prediction” studies is that they rely on the participants telling the researchers how they feel about their partner. The problem, of course, is that not everyone knows themselves well enough to be accurate. There’s also the challenge of being able to honestly share their feelings. For example, someone may be beginning to feel less happy in a relationship, but might not be able to identify the feelings as having to do with the relationship vs. something else, or may be reluctant to admit their changing feelings for any number of reasons.

This research goes beyond what someone might say about their partner, to how they actually respond to positive and negative associations with their partner. To do this, the researchers used a technique often used to assess racism and bias (feelings people definitely have trouble admitting to themselves and to researchers).

The study included 222 volunteers, all of whom were involved in a romantic relationship. The volunteers supplied their partner’s first name and two other words that related to the partner, like a pet name or a distinctive characteristic. Then they watched a monitor as three types of words were presented one at a time – good words (like peace, vacation, or sharing), bad words (such as death, tragedy, and criticizing), and partner-related words (names or traits).

This was a word association method, with two different tasks. In the first task, volunteers were to press the space bar whenever they saw either good words or partner-related words, and in the second, where the combination was bad words and partner words. The premise is that this would get at people’s automatic reactions to the words – before they really “thought” about it and had a chance to censor themselves. If they have generally good associations with their partners, they should be able to do the first task more easily than the second.

The researchers found that volunteers who found it easy to associate their partner with bad things and difficult to associate the partner with good things were more likely to separate over the next year. The researchers also asked volunteers to report on the strength of their relationships at the start of the study – and found that the new test (the word association) did a much better job of predicting breakup. “It really is giving us a unique glimpse into how people were feeling about their partners – giving us information that they were unable or unwilling to report,” says Rogge.

What does this mean for the average person not engaged in a research study? Well, it’s probably not all that handy to give your partner a word association test – at least not in a controlled situation. Of course that may not be so far away. Even so, I’ll bet you have an intuitive sense of the truth anyway, right? The question is…are you listening to your intuition?

What do you think about this research and what it tells us? Let us know in the comment section below.

Can a cookbook be a self-help book? [interview]

Nina East — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 16:27:50 +0000

Seriously. Has anyone ever suggested to you that a cookbook could actually be a self-help book, too?

I had not heard it…until I met Deborah Nelson, author of From Rainy Days to Sexy Nights Cookbook: Simple and Inspirational Recipes to Fit Your Mood.

Deborah is the spunky – fiery? – owner of SaucyWellness.com – with the tagline “healthy living one juicy bite at a time”. Her cookbook is really about living a juicy life – savoring all aspects of your life – with a healthy eating twist.

Food affects everything – from self-esteem to happiness to your level of confidence.

Food creates the environment in your body – an environment of stress or an environment of peace. There are many other factors affecting stress, of course, but food is one that many of us turn to. Deborah’s goal is to help people turn to it in a way that serves their goals and soothes their souls, rather than a short term relief that creates longer-term challenges.

The recipes are divided into 4 categories: Rainy Days, Summer Sensations, Heal Me, and Sexy Nights. In the interview below she explains what these categories mean and how to use the food we select to alter our mood. She says that “food creates who you are – you choose your mood in the moment by choosing your food.”

Below is an interview I conducted with Deborah a couple of weeks ago. She has also generously agreed to provide a set of 5 recipes to members of PersonalGrowthPrincess, as well as a free complimentary consultation session. If you want some support on how your eating habits affect your mood, energy levels, weight and also your libido, I encourage you to take her up on it right away! Info is available on the Members page. (Please note, this is an additional fabulous bonus – on top of your regular monthly bonus tools.)

Here is one of my favorite recipes from From Rainy Days to Sexy Nights – in fact, almost everyone in my family has asked for a copy!
Black Bean Salad With Pineapple! (muy delicioso!)

One of the funny and paradoxical things about Deborah is that she says she isn’t really a cook. She’s obviously does cook, and she is a certified health and wellness coach, but her mission expands far beyond the kitchen. Her passion is really about helping people live truly SAUCY lives…whether it be your personal or professional life. When people are living a saucy life, they are more relaxed, more passionate, and have less stress – the biggest element of disease (and the biggest impediment to losing weight – a subject we talked about quite a bit).

You can order the book directly from her website – Saucy Wellness.com.

Be sure to leave a comment below and let me know what you think about the interview, the recipes, or the concept of a cookbook as a self-help book…

Is the pressure to find your life purpose bringing you down?

Nina East — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 19:56:17 +0000

If you focus on personal growth you have no doubt been bombarded with resources, tools, seminars, etc. to help you “find your life purpose”. It seems like everywhere you turn there’s something about “being on purpose”, “finding your calling”, having a “life with a mission”.

I think it’s admirable to pursue this, and having nothing against the personal growth professionals and authors who teach on this subject. But it has got me wondering…

What if you don’t know what your life purpose is?

What if you can’t find your life purpose, or can’t figure it out?

You never hear the experts who teach this for a living talk about the people who go through their seminars and leave feeling no more clear than when they started. But it happens. A lot.

People who can’t find “a powerful life purpose”, or don’t know “IT” are often embarrassed and/or feel “less than” others who have found theirs. Sometimes they end up just saying something because of all the peer pressure.

There’s really nothing wrong with making one up or simply deciding what you want it to be. We pretty much make up all the other meanings in our lives, right?

I have a confession.

I have no idea what my life purpose is, or if I even have one.

I know there are things I’m great at and skills, talents, actions, etc. that come to me naturally. And there are plenty of things I can’t not do (which is what many people say is the clue to your purpose). For example I can’t pass a piece of peanut butter fudge without tasting it…but somehow I’m thinking that isn’t what people mean.

So is it possible you DON’T have a specific purpose or calling?

It probably depends on your spiritual beliefs.

So what do you do if the pressure to find a “life purpose” is bringing you down or lowering your self-esteem?

Quit Looking.
Just take the pressure off. There’s no rule that says you have to have a “change the world” reason for being. Lighten up and give yourself a break.
Follow your interests.
You’re living your life anyway, so why not follow your interests? You’ll have more fun, it will be easier, and it may just provide clues to a budding sense of purpose. I’m not saying you have to find a purpose, though. But who knows…maybe your real purpose is to be a model of following your bliss and not getting caught up in all the hoopla.

How’s that for relieving some pressure?

So how do you deal with not being sure of your purpose? Or if you are sure, what were the clues you followed?