If you’re like most people in western culture, you’ve been taught that jealousy is a bad thing. You may have even been told that experiencing jealousy means you are a bad or ungrateful person, or that being jealous makes you weak or less spiritual. For most of us, when we experience jealousy, we try to eliminate it or prevent it from ever coming up. Given that jealousy is a natural emotion, this is a pretty futile effort.

There is an important distinction that needs to be made in order to have a more helpful understanding of jealousy, one which can actually raise your self-esteem…

Jealousy is a mental uneasiness about something or someone, usually triggered by seeing or experiencing something you wish you had or wish you could do. It is an awareness of difference, and a wishing for something similar to be in your own life.

Jealousy has developed a negative connotation in part because of general cultural perspectives, but also because of the inappropriate behavior that sometimes follows. We tend to get emotion and behavior mixed up, but, jealousy, as a feeling, does not have to be negative. In fact, it can be quite positive and empowering if you look at it the right way.

Resentment, on the other hand, has a bite to it. It involves a sense of indignation, of having been wronged by the other person, and even the belief that when they have something you do not, whether it be a skill, a relationship, or a tangible item, that it has somehow made you “less than”.

Words, and therefore feelings, are defined by other words. How you define something gives it its meaning. The word “resentment” is often used to define jealousy, but that doesn’t have to be so.

If you were to choose to eliminate the word “resentment” from your definition, and experience, of jealousy, what might be different?

If you believe that you are “less than” someone who has what you do not yet have, or if you believe their having it reduces your chances of ever having it, then you are experiencing Resentment, not jealousy. Resentment has a definite self-esteem lowering quality. Not only do you feel bad about yourself because you don’t have what the other person does, you may even feel guilty for feeling resentment, setting off a downward spiral of lower self-esteem.

What if jealousy were just a signal to you about something more you want to be, do, or have? The actual person who triggered the jealous response is not as important as the desire it brings up in you. Jealousy can give you clarity about what you really want. It can help you define precisely what you want to create in your life or business. The more clear you are about what you want, the easier it is to take productive action – and one of the greatest self-esteem boosters is taking effective action.

If you believed this about jealousy, how much more gentle would you be with yourself? How much more understanding would you be of other people? How much more likely would you be to get into action because you have a “possibility” mentality versus a “lack” mentality? How much higher could you raise your self-esteem by defining jealousy in a positive way, rather than trying to eliminate it?

Leave a comment below – I’d love to know what you think!