Don’t Worry, Be Happy. Or is it the reverse?

Don’t Worry. Be Happy. Nice little song from the late 80′s. Significant for being the first a cappella song to reach #1 on the charts. Perhaps also significant for getting stuck in your head. (Sorry.)

I bring it up because of a recent study published in Psychological Science which examined the question:

Is the happy life characterized by shallow, happy-go-lucky moments and trivial small talk, or by reflection and profound social encounters?

Popular wisdom, all songs aside, might make you think that the social butterfly who can flit from small-talk conversation to small-talk conversation, would be far happier than the group of people clustered on the couches having a deep meaningful conversation.

Ignorance is bliss, yes?

Not so, says this study – which is more reliable than previous studies because it did not rely on self-reported behavior.

Researchers found that higher well-being was actually associated with having less small talk, and having more substantive conversations.
(“Substantive” meaning a conversation in which meaningful information was exchanged. More along the lines of “I hear your new job has been really demanding. Tell me about it” and less “Oh, I love that dress! Where did you get it?”)

Here are some other interesting findings from the study:

The happiest participants spent about 25% less time alone and about 70% more time talking.

The happiest people also had about 1/3 less small talk, and twice as many substantive conversations.

From the report: “Together, the present findings demonstrate that the happy life is social rather than solitary, and conversationally deep rather than superficial.”

Of course, this was not a cause-and-effect study, so we can only take the results as correlational.

It could mean that happy people are natural attractors of deeper conversations, making people comfortable enough to talk about things that actually matter.
Or, it could be that deep conversations actually make people happier.

This raises the interesting possibility that happiness can be expanded or developed by intentionally having more substantive conversations, and resisting the temptation to stay at the “cocktail party conversation” level.

I think women have known this for a long time. We feel better about ourselves when we connect with other people, and if we can share something meaningful and important, we feel even more so. That’s not to say that a fun shopping spree doesn’t get the happy vibes going…but my guess is there are some pretty important conversations going on between dressing room doors.

Whether happy people naturally have deeper conversations, or deeper conversations make people happier, it’s good to know that both work in our favor. Personal Growth Princesses like deep conversations. We crave knowing more about ourselves and more about what makes other people tick. Maybe we are the best-positioned to get happy?!

I’m curious – what’s your take on this? Do you feel a greater sense of well-being after you’ve had a meaningful conversation, or after a series of surface level chats? Leave a comment below and let us know.

Related posts:

1. Women are not as happy as they used to be!
2. More Happy, Less Crappy
3. Worry Less, Live More – Michael Beckwith’s ideas on anxiety