Adversity is a peculiar thing. For some people it is the call to action, the call to step up and do the unexpected. To others it is the slap that knocks us flat.

Which is it for you? Chances are it’s a little bit of both, depending on what else is happening for you. If your environment is an invalidating one, you’ll lean toward the being-knocked-flat side. If it’s validating and empowering, you may feel like you can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

What this video demonstrates is that it’s what inside YOU that matters. You get to choose what you pay attention to and what influences you.

I know you’ve heard that before, yes? Perhaps all you need is a compelling picture.

Related posts:

1. Validation – a basic human need few of us get enough of…
2. New Year Calls for New…What?
3. Finishing Strong – getting back up when it’s impossible
4. Can Jealousy Raise Your Self-Esteem?

(Or…You Can Change How You Feel…Really!)

(today’s post is brought to us by Visiting Expert Cheri Britton)

Cheri Britton

More Happy, Less Crappy. These are the words I’ve been trying to live by lately.  (I’ve even given this name my up-coming blog…more info soon)

But wouldn’t you know it…when you declare that you intend to make a shift or a change…you get tested.

This week my son, who struggles to control his impulses, decided to do laundry.  Or rather he decided to experiment with laundry detergents.  He poured one huge bottle of detergent (enough for 107 loads) 2 ½ bottles of fabric softener and 2 bottles of stain remover into the washing machine all at once.

That evening I began to smell something but had no idea what it was.  Unbeknownst to me, his concoction was leaking out of my machine and all over my laundry room floor.

The next day I went down to do laundry.  That’s when I discovered that there was no detergent.  So I thought, “I can’t be out.  I had just bought some hadn’t I?”  and then  “Why are my feet all sticky and sliding all over the floor?!”  Then I noticed all of the empty bottles, figured out what he had done and proceeded to lose my mind.  I went berserk.  (Keep in mind that this discovery happened after he had put an entire box of uncooked spaghetti noodles all in the sofa, broken my glasses and used my new bottle of Stevia extract as lubricant for his race cars.

Like I said, I went berserk.

I was angry (warranted) and frustrated (after all, enough is enough).  I began to cry the tears that only an overwhelmed parent can understand.  I added up the cost of the day.  It was painful.  I had a melt down and I don’t think anyone would have expected me to do otherwise.

But then things took a nasty turn.  My internal conversation and emotions headed down the destructive path of self pity.  I went to that vicious, festered, (although comfortable) pit of melodrama.  I wallowed in “Why me?” and “What did I do to deserve this.” and my personal favorite “IT’S NOT FAIR!”

I went to the crappy. I sat my big ole pathetic butt smack dab in a pile of “IT’S NOT FAIR!”

THE TURN-AROUND

Then I remembered my work.  I remembered that while I can’t always choose what happens to me I can choose how I react to it.  And slowly I was able to turn things around and focus on me…not on what had been “done” to me (Noah did not DO this to me even though it felt personal.)  Instead, I put my focus on what I needed and then set about to get it.

1.  I needed to cry, lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling.  Never underestimate the cleansing power of a good cry.

2.  I needed to get some help. I called the was-band and asked if he could take Noah for the night. I needed a reprieve.  My reserves where all gone.  My inner critic Sasha was telling me I was a bad parent and that I couldn’t handle the hard stuff.  But I mentally ducted taped her mouth because I knew that asking for help in this moment was in everyone’s best interest.

3.  I needed to do something fun, something that would put back some the energy that I had lost.  I needed a diversion.  So I went to the movie, complete with popcorn and peanut M&Ms.

4.   I needed to find my place of gratitude once again.  As my energy returned I thought about my delightful Noah.  My curious, lovable, adventurous, plays-full-tilt, no-fear Noah.  I smiled, I laughed and then I cried.  This time they were tears of thanksgiving.

5. Lastly, I needed a plan for the future. So I got on the internet and ordered a 10′ Foot Trampoline for my backyard. Noah needs a place to jump and be wild, and build forts and dig for bugs and to use his boundless energy.  The tramp will be here in two days.

Once again I’ve been reminded that we can change our thoughts and feelings around a certain issue.  I can’t take autism away from my kid, or get the detergent back in the bottle or even stop the flood of tear when I have had enough.  But I can turn it around rather than park myself in self pity.

And in just a few days when the trampoline is assembled and put up in my yard, Noah will be so Happy and I will have much less Crappy!

Where in your life could you create more happy and less crappy?

Related posts:

1. Women are not as happy as they used to be!
2. Don’t Worry, Be Happy. Or is it the reverse?
3. When You Can’t Shift and It’s Time To Get Off the Pot

What Happens When We Do Not Let Go?

What happens when we do not let go? Asians have a very clever trap for catching monkeys. People hollow out a coconut, put something sweet in it, and make a hole at the bottom of the coconut just big enough for the monkey to slide its open hand in, but not big enough for the monkey to withdraw its hand as a fist. They attach the coconut to the tree, and the monkey comes along and gets trapped. What keeps the monkey trapped? Only the force of desire, of clinging, of attachment. All the monkey has to do is let go of the sweet, open its hand, slip it out, and be free. But only a very rare monkey will do that.

What kind of monkey are you? 

From Living Meditation, Living Insight, by Thynn Thynn

Clinging is a Stressful State

The moment we want happiness, we start to cling to it in our mind. First, we cling to our own idea of happiness. We relate to the outside world as a source of satisfaction and look outward for the things we normally associate with happiness – accumulating wealth, success, fame or power. As soon as we become attached to any idea – happiness, success or whatever – there is already some stress. Clinging isitself a stressful state, and everything that derives from it is also stressful. For example, try to clench your hand to make a fist. As soon as you start to clench your hand, you have to use energy tokeep your fingers clenched tightly. When you let go of the clenching, your hand is free again. So it is with the mind. When it is in such a state of clenching, it can never be free. It can never experience peace or happiness, even if one has all the wealth, fame and power in the world.

Related posts:

1. Missing the moment – another mindfulness quote
2. Your mind is not your friend
3. Are you a Doer or a Dabbler?
4. Women are not as happy as they used to be!

Now, you CAN be a girly-girl…and it turns out I do score pretty high on the girly-girl scale…according to Facebook anyway.
The truth is, you can be a princess and still be a tomboy. Girly girl qualities are not required.

Honesty, the most powerful princesses are usually a hybrid blend of tomboy and feminine. After all, that’s how we got to be princesses to begin with, right? You have to have some attitude in order to claim your entitlement.

The thing about being a Princess is that you get to CHOOSE. Being a Princess is all about being completely full of yourself – all you, all the time.

If that means you want someone else to squash the bug, that’s OK. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it yourself, you just know you would prefer not to be the squasher.

If it means you want to wear heels with jeans, so be it. You get to be ALL of you. Remember, “to be someone you are not is to waste the person you are.”

The most important qualification for being a Princess is that you have a Princess Attitude (PA). No, that doesn’t mean ordering the minions to do your bidding. Being a Princess is about kindness, generosity, honesty and integrity…doing what it takes, and expecting to receive the best.

I just wanted to clear that up in case any closet-Princesses are shying away because they think it means they would have to be foo-foo. You can wear the pink boa if you want, but it is definitely not required.
(If you want to take the quiz, you can search for it on Facebook, or perhaps this link will work.)

Related posts:

1. When did “Princess” become a bad word?
2. Music to empower girls…and women…by Lindsay O’Neill
3. The Princess School – the book series for empowered princesses

Choice empowers you, consciously and subconsciously. The meta-message is that you could choose differently. You may not hear this at the conscious level, but at the subconscious level, you do. This is how meta-programming works. You know, like the metatags on a website. You don’t see them when you look at a website, but they are there in the background making sure the site comes up for people (on search engines) whenever they put in certain requests or search terms. Your mind works the same way. It’s like embedding a metatag that allows that reality to come up whenever you put in the terms – what you are looking for.  

Acknowledging Choice is being honest with yourself. We like to fool ourselves into thinking we don’t actually have choices, that some things we HAVE to do. The truth is that you really do have a choice. The choice may have consequences – even dramatic ones – but you are still choosing which consequences or results to have. Often you are choosing what appears to be the least painful, at least in the short run.

To tell yourself anything less is to put yourself in the role of victim – which, again, is a role you choose.

By not doing something you know would improve your life or your business you are, in fact, choosing to have your life or business remain the way it is. I know, this isn’t always pretty to look at, but if you choose to look at it for what it really is, the honesty will lead you toward a different choice. Sometimes that’s just what we need in order to make the shift. 

Choice raises your vibration. By this I mean it makes you more of a match for what you DO want. Whatever you focus on is what you get more of.

Whether you want to define this as a metaphysical law, or the functioning of the human brain, the truth is that what you concentrate on is what you will notice more of. And the more you notice it, the more you are actually gathering evidence – data, even – that proves you are right.

For example, if you habitually say, “I can’t afford to do XYZ” or “I don’t have the money for ABC.” you will constantly be noticing how you cannot afford to do the things you want or need to do. It is a bit of a catch-22. The more you say it, the more you notice it, and the more you notice it, the more “proof” you have that it is true, so the more you feel justified in saying it. The more you will use the data to explain to yourself and others why your life isn’t working. People explain this by saying they are just looking at the reality of their situation. 

But here’s the deal. If you start saying “I choose to…” or “I choose not to….”, you will, instead, begin noticing the choices you are actually making. You will notice more and more how much choice you actually do have, as well as the various results from those choices.  

And, ultimately, you will begin choosing in ways that serve you better. Once you start using the phrase “I choose” – and make a habit of it – the more you start noticing the choices you have, the choices you are making. This is the evidence or proof that you actually are choosing, which leads you to believe you really DO have choice. 

The beauty of it is that you don’t actually have to believe it at first. You just have to start saying it and you will automatically begin gathering data, which will, in turn, prove the belief.
Life is about living.

Today I choose to experience the joy and wonder of my own existence.  

What do you choose for today?

Related posts:

1. The Princess Project
2. You don’t have to be a girly-girl to be a Princess