(Or…You Can Change How You Feel…Really!)

(today’s post is brought to us by Visiting Expert Cheri Britton)

Cheri Britton

More Happy, Less Crappy. These are the words I’ve been trying to live by lately.  (I’ve even given this name my up-coming blog…more info soon)

But wouldn’t you know it…when you declare that you intend to make a shift or a change…you get tested.

This week my son, who struggles to control his impulses, decided to do laundry.  Or rather he decided to experiment with laundry detergents.  He poured one huge bottle of detergent (enough for 107 loads) 2 ½ bottles of fabric softener and 2 bottles of stain remover into the washing machine all at once.

That evening I began to smell something but had no idea what it was.  Unbeknownst to me, his concoction was leaking out of my machine and all over my laundry room floor.

The next day I went down to do laundry.  That’s when I discovered that there was no detergent.  So I thought, “I can’t be out.  I had just bought some hadn’t I?”  and then  “Why are my feet all sticky and sliding all over the floor?!”  Then I noticed all of the empty bottles, figured out what he had done and proceeded to lose my mind.  I went berserk.  (Keep in mind that this discovery happened after he had put an entire box of uncooked spaghetti noodles all in the sofa, broken my glasses and used my new bottle of Stevia extract as lubricant for his race cars.

Like I said, I went berserk.

I was angry (warranted) and frustrated (after all, enough is enough).  I began to cry the tears that only an overwhelmed parent can understand.  I added up the cost of the day.  It was painful.  I had a melt down and I don’t think anyone would have expected me to do otherwise.

But then things took a nasty turn.  My internal conversation and emotions headed down the destructive path of self pity.  I went to that vicious, festered, (although comfortable) pit of melodrama.  I wallowed in “Why me?” and “What did I do to deserve this.” and my personal favorite “IT’S NOT FAIR!”

I went to the crappy. I sat my big ole pathetic butt smack dab in a pile of “IT’S NOT FAIR!”

THE TURN-AROUND

Then I remembered my work.  I remembered that while I can’t always choose what happens to me I can choose how I react to it.  And slowly I was able to turn things around and focus on me…not on what had been “done” to me (Noah did not DO this to me even though it felt personal.)  Instead, I put my focus on what I needed and then set about to get it.

1.  I needed to cry, lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling.  Never underestimate the cleansing power of a good cry.

2.  I needed to get some help. I called the was-band and asked if he could take Noah for the night. I needed a reprieve.  My reserves where all gone.  My inner critic Sasha was telling me I was a bad parent and that I couldn’t handle the hard stuff.  But I mentally ducted taped her mouth because I knew that asking for help in this moment was in everyone’s best interest.

3.  I needed to do something fun, something that would put back some the energy that I had lost.  I needed a diversion.  So I went to the movie, complete with popcorn and peanut M&Ms.

4.   I needed to find my place of gratitude once again.  As my energy returned I thought about my delightful Noah.  My curious, lovable, adventurous, plays-full-tilt, no-fear Noah.  I smiled, I laughed and then I cried.  This time they were tears of thanksgiving.

5. Lastly, I needed a plan for the future. So I got on the internet and ordered a 10′ Foot Trampoline for my backyard. Noah needs a place to jump and be wild, and build forts and dig for bugs and to use his boundless energy.  The tramp will be here in two days.

Once again I’ve been reminded that we can change our thoughts and feelings around a certain issue.  I can’t take autism away from my kid, or get the detergent back in the bottle or even stop the flood of tear when I have had enough.  But I can turn it around rather than park myself in self pity.

And in just a few days when the trampoline is assembled and put up in my yard, Noah will be so Happy and I will have much less Crappy!

Where in your life could you create more happy and less crappy?

Related posts:

1. Women are not as happy as they used to be!
2. Don’t Worry, Be Happy. Or is it the reverse?