The frustrating paradox is that self-doubt actually creates unwavering certainty – certainty that you cannot do/say/be what you want, that you aren’t good enough, or that the risks far outweigh the possible gains.

This is because of the nasty self-perpetuating cycle self-doubt creates. You doubt yourself in a particular area so you hold yourself back from doing/saying/being something. This in turn gives you evidence that you don’t “have what it takes”, which usually gets translated to “See? I’m not good enough”.

When asked about what affects or feeds their self-doubt, readers generally pointed to two things. Given the commitment to personal growth and self-improvement members and readers at PersonalGrowthPrincess.com have I wasn’t surprised at the insight. But because this seems to be a fairly universal issue, I also was not surprised that there were very few suggestions for what to do about it.

The first element feeding self-doubt is not trusting your inner guidance, your intuition. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say the problem is not knowing whether what you are experiencing is really inner guidance, or a fear or anxiety speaking.

We often “know” something but don’t trust that knowing. After all, how do you know when you know? This is usually a result of not practicing using this information, but can also come from trusting your intuition and ending up with negative consequences. That can magnify self-doubt.

The key distinction is that inner guidance always brings relief (sometimes coupled with excitement), almost always whispers, and never criticizes. If you hear a yelling voice in your head – and you aren’t in imminent physical danger – chances are it’s your fear talking, not your intuition.

Inner guidance can have a strong and assertive voice, but will not have an ounce of self-judgment in it.

The second element feeding self-doubt is that of being overly influenced by other people – letting their opinions – or what you imagine their opinions might be – outweigh your own perspective.

It’s important to note that there is a significant difference between seeking input from someone who has experience and skill in an area you are not familiar with, and altering your behavior or feelings about yourself based solely on what someone else thinks – or what you imagine they will think.

In fact, the imagination is often the crux of the matter. Research by Thomas Gilovich, Justin Kruger and Victoria Medevec (Journal of Personal and Social Psychology), found that most of us exaggerate the perception others will have about us – both positive and negative – or even what they will remember about us at all. We don’t just exaggerate it a little, we double it. In other words, people are half as likely to have a judgment about us as we think they are.

Talk about setting ourselves up for failure…

But wait, there’s even more…if we are contemplating someone’s opinion of us just after experiencing a failure or poor performance (in our own assessment), we exaggerate the perceived judgments even more. As if it weren’t bad enough that we are not pleased with our performance, add to the intensity of our self-doubt by imagining others’ judgments far, far beyond what is true.

Can you see how this distorted judgment can add to the slippery slope of self-doubt?

It may be hard to believe that other people actually think about us very little, but that’s the truth. So how do you change this?

Knowing you do this can provide some relief from self-doubt. People who are overly anxious about how they will come across will tend to hold back from taking action. This is generally followed by regret about not taking the action, and we’re back at the same self-perpetuating cycle. (Sound familiar?)

Just recognizing this is part of the path to greater self-confidence and self-esteem. Instead of over-exaggerating what you think people’s perceptions will be, intentionally reduce what you think they will think by at least half. Probably more. Don’t worry – you aren’t likely to underestimate.

So quit worrying about what others think about you – chances are they haven’t even noticed.
And start listening to the quieter, calmer voice when looking for inner guidance.

Put these two strategies into action and you will begin to see a shift in your self-doubt almost immediately.

If you have ideas or suggestions you can share with others, please share them in the comments section below!

Related posts:

1. How Your Authentic Archetype Helps You Navigate Self Doubt So That You Are Free to Embody Your Brilliance…
2. Is Dr. Phil a Personal Growth Princess?
3. Famous Failures…how do you deal with adversity?

NOTE: The book is being featured in a Best-Seller campaign on Wednesday, June 16th. When you purchase the book from Amazon.com during this campaign  you will receive thousands of dollars worth of free gifts from some of Michael’s closest associates.
To participate, purchase the book at Amazon, then go to The Trophy Effect, enter your purchase code and you’ll be given access to all the bonuses.
Until you know what the trophy effect is, you might think the title is referring to how people are striving for more and more achievements, at the expense of fulfillment. At least that’s what I thought it would be about before I read it.The Trophy Effect, by Michael Nitti, actually gets the the heart of the reason people focus on their shortcomings rather than on their strengths and accomplishments.

The trophy effect is subconscious and innate, meaning that it originates in the mind, and you generally aren’t even aware of it. That’s what makes it so hazardous. It is a way of thinking and reacting that leads us to give up on things, magnifying feelings of doubt rather than hope.

The real clincher is that we usually don’t realize it is going on, which means we don’t realize it’s something we have control over. That’s because it is tied to our survival instinct, and it takes some serious effort – or at least consistent action – to override an instinct that is designed to help us survive the dangers in the world, whether they be real dangers – such as a speeding car jumping the curb coming right at us – or more imagined dangers – the fear of embarrassment, of not being good enough.

The Trophy Effect walks you through a process that helps you understand that your mind is not your self, and how the effect has been playing out in your life.

Not only did I read the book, I also had the privilege of a one-on-one “trophy effect” session with Michael Nitti.

I’ve obviously been around the personal growth block a time or two, so it’s hard to impress me. Most books are a new perspective on something else we’ve tried before (that’s why the book selections at Personal Growth Princess are so powerful – they are new and unique). And, of course, when I saw the title of the book, I thought I knew what I was going to learn.

I was wrong.

In his book, Michael Nitti leads you through, in clear, colorful detail, what kind of trophies you are really collecting, and why they simply serve to increase your self-doubt. What you learn seems counter-intuitive at first, but he aptly helps you see the logic behind it, and then you get to see and feel firsthand what the effect has been.

Of course, for the book to be fully effective, you need to be honest with yourself and be willing to try on a new perspective. And you will want to do the exercises. It’s like getting a blueprint for destroying self-doubt, but you actually have to use the blueprint as you build – otherwise you’re back to the same catty-whompas state of letting your mind rule your life.

I have to admiit, the work I did from the book and with Michael was so intriguingely powerful that I selected The Trophy Effect as the July feature book for members of Personal Growth Princess.
(Not a member? Read more about the benefits of membership.) Not only did I feel different immediately, the difference has stayed with me and continued to expand over the last several weeks. It’s not without effort, but the reasoning behind the trophy effect is so sound that your mind will be convinced.

I strongly recommend reading this book – or joining Personal Growth Princess to receive the summary and a special in-depth interview with the author on July 1.

Remember, The Trophy Effect is being featured in a Best-Seller campaign on Wednesday, June 16th. When you purchase the book from Amazon.com during this campaign  you will receive thousands of dollars worth of free gifts from some of Michael’s closest associates.
To participate, purchase the book at Amazon, then go to The Trophy Effect, enter your purchase code and you’ll be given access to all the bonuses.

Related posts:

1. The Trophy Effect: You are not your mind – 55 minutes that will change your Life!
2. New Self-Help Book Summary & Content Added for July
3. You Are A Spirit [Book Review]
4. Get Unstuck and Get Going…on the stuff that matters [book review]

And with boiling water comes steam. ………….And steam can power a locomotive.

So many times it is that one extra degree of effort in business and in life that separates the good from the great.
The beauty of this idea of 212° – or one degree of difference – is not only the simplicity but all the places you can apply it in your life.

So what kind of life are you living? Are you living and growing in a 211⁰ style?

Or have you amped it up just a teeny-tiny fraction and are living and growing at a 212⁰ level?

You can apply the concept to that extra degree of  service,  the extra degree of  attitude, the extra degree of  leadership, kindness, commitment, focus, perseverance and the list goes on.

So what would be different if you went up just one teeny-tiny degree in your focus on personal development?

What would you be capable of?
What would you do?
What would you stop doing?
How would your life be different?

Take a look at the 212⁰ movie, published by Simple Truths, a company that sells inspirational and motivational books, gifts, etc.
(Simple Truths was started by Mac Anderson who founded Successories.)

And while you’re at it, watch this other inspiring movie!
I’m a little partial to it – not just because it starts with sunflowers (which are my favorite) – but because it is about finding joy.

Share your thoughts or reactions in the comment section below!

Related posts:

1. Personal Growth – what gets in the way?
2. The Tipping Point – How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference [Book Review]
3. Being a Personal Growth Master
4. Personal Growth on National Puppy Day!

I was just reading an interesting post at clicknsave.com on this very topic. The author makes the bold statement that self-help books have a definite advantage over seminars, counselors, or coaches.

It really got me to wondering…are books better?

Obviously I’m a fan of books, but given the tens of thousands of dollars I’ve spent at personal development seminars, I’m a fan of them, as well.

On the surface level, the answer to the question would have to be “it depends”. It depends on you and how you process information. If you aren’t a reader, then buying all the self-help books in the world isn’t going to help you, other than giving you a quick boost of optimism and inspiration.

You have to actually USE the book in order for it to serve you – and if you do, then there are some definite advantages you get.

And when I say USE, I don’t mean using it to pick up people at the local coffee shop by leaving it out where people can see it! And I definitely don’t mean using it to prop up all the other self-help books piled beside your bed.

The point of the article I was reading is that books provide the best advantage because they are the only form of personal growth that can really accompany you wherever you go – whether in paper form or on your Kindle, iPhone, or other electronic device.

I like the idea of portable self-help and the advantage that gives.

But there are a couple of problems:   

• only a tiny percentage of books purchased are ever read past the first chapter.
• not everyone likes to learn by reading – some prefer to listen or experience.
• how do you know which of the thousands of self-help books on the bookstore shelf is a good one for you, or will effectively address the particular issue you are dealing with right now?

The truth is, you don’t. Which is why so many books never get read…and so much potential personal growth goes un-nourished.

Quite honestly, that’s why I started PersonalGrowthPrincess.com.

What if you could have a top-notch book summary that you can read in 15 minutes, or the audio version you can listen to in just a few minutes more?

What if you had some additional easy-to-use materials, like worksheets, checklists, or journal exercises, that helped you begin to apply the personal growth actions right away – in a manageable size?

You can glean all the primary elements of the book – and begin applying the author’s concepts immediately.
That way you can experience personal growth in shorter intervals of effort.

And, of course, if you do decide to buy the book, you will know with 100% certainty that it will be what you need.  (Which means you don’t waste money or time on books that aren’t right for you.)

So are books better a better form of self-help?

I’d have to stick with my answer of “it depends”, with a big hats off to the concept of books being the only experience you can take with you anywhere. And of course, with the book summaries from PersonalGrowthPrincess, you get the best resource in the best method of delivery.

So what do you think about the idea of self-help books being an advantage when it comes to your personal growth?
Leave a comment below and let me know what you think.

p.s. If you haven’t downloaded your free sample book summary from this site, make sure you fill our the easy form in the sidebar. It’s definitely worth checking out. You’ll receive one of most popular personal growth book summaries, plus some additional goodies to help you use the information right away!

Select any category to see more posts.

Wise words from a wise leader in the personal growth industry.

Of course, you already knew that reading books was important and valuable – that’s why you’ve been buying them, right? And then life steps in and all of a sudden weeks or months have passed and you still haven’t read that book.

Tony’s suggestion is that what we need to do is constantly find new ways to make ourselves more valuable – and that reading (and applying) the right books (great books) is an essential ingredient.

He also points out that in order to be more fulfilled in our lives, we have to have meaning beyond ourselves.
And remember, we’ve named 2010 The Year of Fulfillment here at Personal Growth Princess.

You already know that growing yourself so you can grow others is paramount. The years of self-improvement being “selfish” are long gone. Anyone who has ever had a relationship with another human being knows that the more we love ourselves, take care of ourselves, and grow ourselves, the more love, care, and generosity we have to give others.

The problem is…how to actually find the time to find new ways to make ourselves more valuable.

That’s what PersonalGrowthPrincess is here to help with. You can read more of the details about the foundation  here and here.

But the bottom line is if you are like most women, you already know what to do, and that you “should” be doing it, but you don’t have the time…or by the time you do have the time, you’re too exhausted to pick up a book and read it, must less understand and apply it!

Unfortunately we just don’t get more time. Time is what it is.We all have the same number of minutes in a day.

But, you can change the way you use the time you do have – and that will change everything.

For example, reading a 6-10 page summary of book that squeezes out all the most important points, making them easily accessible and understandable, can save you 20+ hours of reading.

Or listening to an in-depth interview with the author to hear what she or he was really thinking when they wrote their book…what it really means, and how you can use it right away…then you’ve just leveraged your time in a masterful way. Listening in the car or on your ipod maximizes your productivity even further.
And, of course, there is always the transcript of the entire interview.

So, if you want to take Tony Robbins’ advice and start focusing on the books that can help you not only make yourself more valuable in the workplace, but also help you make your life even more fulfilling, Personal Growth Princess may be the system that helps get you there.

If you want more info on what’s included, take a look at the Personal Growth Princess benefits.

Or if you are one of the decisive women, who knows good advice when she hears it, go straight to Membership!

By the way, one of the books Tony suggests, The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth In Ancient Wisdom, by John Haidt, is on our list of books to include down the road – just waiting for the details to be taken care of! (Do great minds think alike, or what?)  [superemotions file="icon_wink.gif" title="Wink"]

Related posts:

1. Self-Help Books – Why they give you the best advantage
2. The Trophy Effect [Book Review]
3. Are you a personal growth enthusiast, or merely a junkie?
4. Personal Growth Princess on Blog Talk Radio

Of course, being in the midst of the problem is often the hardest time to even get your mind to shift to thinking about the opportunity inherent in it. I have a friend who always asks me “What’s great about this?” when I bring up something that is frustrating me. Usually this helps me shift, but every now and then I want to bop her on the head for it.  [superemotions file="icon_wink.gif" title="Wink"]  Every cloud has a silver lining, but when it’s cloudy, sometimes it just feels cloudy.

As with anything, practice and use increases your skill at not just finding the opportunity, but to remember to do so in the first place. It’s easiest to practice new “ways of being” before the problem arises. Once you’re in the throws of it it’s harder to do, unless you’ve been practicing it so that has become automatic for you, or almost automatic.

One model you can use to help yourself re-think problems is called the Dynamic Opportunity Model.

The Dynamic Opportunity Model was created by Thomas Leonard, founder of CoachVille – one of the largest and most innovative coach training programs ever. (Thomas is no longer among us, but Dave Buck, who inherited the company, has graciously given me permission to share this model with you.)

The diagram shows the natural progression from a problem (symptom or situation) to opportunity. Note: read from bottom to top.

With each step up, you are identifying something deeper about what is really going on, and shifting the way you look at it. The key is on the third step – the green one labeled “underlying dynamic”. It’s not enough to just identify the cause or source of a problem, but you want to look deeper, to identify what is the dynamic underneath the cause that actually allows the situation to occur in the first place.

Once you do that, releasing your attachment to what has been holding you back becomes easier. Once you identify the underlying dynamic, the dynamic no longer has the same hold on you. This allows you to shift or re-orient yourself and how you look at the problem, which in turn leads to generating more possible solutions or strategies. Eventually these ideas coalesce (integrate and evolve) and you identify an opportunity waiting for you – one that has been identified because of the problem, not in spite of it.

Here’s an example that might help explain it a bit more.

Let’s say the problem or situation is that you have a lot of credit card debt (assuming you don’t want this, of course).

If that’s the problem, what is the cause or source? It could be any number of things depending on who you are and your specific situations. Some examples of possible causes/sources are: overspending, not being aware of budget, not being able to resist impulse buying, you just lost your job and are using credit cards to cover basic living expenses, you paid for your sister’s wedding and put it all on credit…

You see, there could be any number of “reasons” this has occurred – and they don’t have to be “bad” reasons.

But what’s going on underneath those causes?

Is it…
…you buy things in order to make yourself feel better, perhaps fill an emptiness you don’t talk about?
…you don’t have the skill set to manage a budget, or that you do, but you receive some other benefit from playing the victim by always finding yourself in hardship?
…you are embarrassed about how much money you make, so you pay for the wedding to “prove” you’ve made it?
…you stuck your head in the sand about your company downsizing, not wanting to face what might really happen, hoping it would all work out?
(I don’t mean to imply that people who have lost their jobs are sticking their heads in the sand…just using the example that in some cases we do fail to see the writing on the wall.)

These are examples of possible underlying dynamics.

Once you know the truth about yourself, and are willing to look at it honestly, it is easier to re-orient yourself, to shift your way of thinking, to recognize that’s not who or how you want to be. That is the shift that will pull you toward identifying the opportunity now in front of you.

I’m curious…what is a “problem” you are currently facing that you could transform into an opportunity by applying the Dynamic Opportunity Model.

I’ll share one of mine. For a long time I was frustrated that I was spending so much money on self-help and personal growth books, but never getting around to reading them, much less applying what I could have been learning. Using this model, I was able to identify some great solutions and strategies, which resulted in the creation of Personal Growth Princess! Now it’s great when I spend money on new books because that’s what my business is all about. And I get to read them – during regular work time! – because that’s how I create value for all the members. That’s what my business actually IS, so I have total permission to read, learn, and apply. [superemotions file="icon_biggrin.gif" title="Big Grin"]

What about you? What problems can you turn into opportunities?
Leave a comment below – or if you prefer, send me a private note.

Related posts:

1. What the Dynamic Opportunity Model has to do with the Science of Making Things Happen
2. 5 Tips to Turn Your Plans Into Reality

I bring it up because of a recent study published in Psychological Science which examined the question:

Is the happy life characterized by shallow, happy-go-lucky moments and trivial small talk, or by reflection and profound social encounters?

Popular wisdom, all songs aside, might make you think that the social butterfly who can flit from small-talk conversation to small-talk conversation, would be far happier than the group of people clustered on the couches having a deep meaningful conversation.

Ignorance is bliss, yes?

Not so, says this study – which is more reliable than previous studies because it did not rely on self-reported behavior.

Researchers found that higher well-being was actually associated with having less small talk, and having more substantive conversations.
(“Substantive” meaning a conversation in which meaningful information was exchanged. More along the lines of “I hear your new job has been really demanding. Tell me about it” and less “Oh, I love that dress! Where did you get it?”)

Here are some other interesting findings from the study:

The happiest participants spent about 25% less time alone and about 70% more time talking.

The happiest people also had about 1/3 less small talk, and twice as many substantive conversations.

From the report: “Together, the present findings demonstrate that the happy life is social rather than solitary, and conversationally deep rather than superficial.”

Of course, this was not a cause-and-effect study, so we can only take the results as correlational.

It could mean that happy people are natural attractors of deeper conversations, making people comfortable enough to talk about things that actually matter.
Or, it could be that deep conversations actually make people happier.

This raises the interesting possibility that happiness can be expanded or developed by intentionally having more substantive conversations, and resisting the temptation to stay at the “cocktail party conversation” level.

I think women have known this for a long time. We feel better about ourselves when we connect with other people, and if we can share something meaningful and important, we feel even more so. That’s not to say that a fun shopping spree doesn’t get the happy vibes going…but my guess is there are some pretty important conversations going on between dressing room doors.

Whether happy people naturally have deeper conversations, or deeper conversations make people happier, it’s good to know that both work in our favor. Personal Growth Princesses like deep conversations. We crave knowing more about ourselves and more about what makes other people tick. Maybe we are the best-positioned to get happy?!

I’m curious – what’s your take on this? Do you feel a greater sense of well-being after you’ve had a meaningful conversation, or after a series of surface level chats? Leave a comment below and let us know.

Related posts:

1. Women are not as happy as they used to be!
2. More Happy, Less Crappy
3. Worry Less, Live More – Michael Beckwith’s ideas on anxiety

Lately I’ve been using the Life Lift-Off cards by Michael Beckwith. They are a great set. Not stuffy and not woo-woo. Just practical, insightful suggestions for mindfulness.

The other day I drew a card that said “Worry Less, Live More”.

On the Personal Growth Princess home page we use the phrase “Read Less. Grow More”. Like anyone, I like the idea of more for less [superemotions file="icon_smile.gif" title="Smile"]  so this really struck home.

It struck home because, despite my lighthearted, playful, princess attitude, I also tend toward the worry end of the spectrum.

What Michael Beckwith says with this card is that “worry is like paying interest on money you haven’t borrowed yet, and it pays no dividends except more worry.”

How true is that?! Worry begets more worry, which begets more worry, etc. etc.

His suggestion on how to worry less and live more? Stay focused on the Now. Keep your attention on this moment, not what might or might not happen, and express gratitude for your life just as it is. This sets off a cascade of appreciation and positive thoughts, which beget more positive thoughts, which beget more positive thoughts…you know the rest.

Now, be clear. Beckwith and I aren’t saying don’t have goals and don’t dream about or plan for the future. But when the worry bug starts to creep in, shift your attention to NOW, and focus on what you are grateful for.

How do you keep worry at bay? Or, more positively, how do you stay focused on good thoughts? Leave a comment below and let us know!

Related posts:

1. 5 Reasons to Live in the Now
2. Don’t Worry, Be Happy. Or is it the reverse?

Scout as a puppy

National Puppy Day is sponsored by the Animal Miracle Foundation & Network, an organization that supports adopting pets, not shopping for them.

Given that a portion of all profits from this site go to the Animal Protection Society – where I adopted my little girl, Scout -  it seems appropriate to honor the day in a way that also serves your personal growth.

So, here’s a fun freebie for you.

It’s the story of a very active dog. But of course, it’s more than a story about a dog. You knew that, right?

This story and what Sadie went through has significant parallels for those of us trying or wanting to live a life of passion and joy.

It’s a great opportunity to think about yourself, what’s important to you, how you manage your own energy.
It’s a fable – a story with a moral. [superemotions file="icon_cool.gif" title="Cool"]

I hope you enjoy it!!

Just click “The Rescue Dog” image and enjoy!!
(If you want to download it, just right click and save to your computer.)

Please feel free to share this with anyone you think might be inspired.

And, if you’ve been thinking about getting a puppy, or a full grown dog, I encourage you to consider getting a pound puppy. They make fabulous family members! I also encourage you to think very carefully and clearly about what kind of dog you want, how much time you’ll be able to spend with it, who in the family will ultimately be responsible for the dog, how much training you’re willing to do, etc. Dogs are amazing – AND, they are a long-term commitment.

Do you have a dog (or pet) story to share? I’d love to hear how your pets have made a difference in your life.
Just make a comment below!

Related posts:

1. Take Your Dog to Work Day – a Princess dream come true!
2. Personal Growth – what gets in the way?
3. Personal Growth Princess on Blog Talk Radio
4. Are you a personal growth enthusiast, or merely a junkie?

But, how do you know that’s true? Maybe you have some empirical evidence from your own life?
If so, you probably also have plenty of instances where that didn’t seem to work.

TheFunTheory.com is a site dedicated to showing that something as simple as fun is the easiest way to change people’s behavior for the better. And isn’t that what personal growth is all about?

Here is a video demonstrating how to get people to take the stairs rather than the escalator – resulting in a 66% increase in people choosing the stairs.

If doing something fun like this can get people to change their physical behavior, in a way that enhances their health, where can you add fun in your life to get you to change your behavior, follow through more, keep in touch with people, work more efficiently, stay focused on your personal growth?

That’s what Personal Growth Princess is all about – giving you easy and fun access to the resources to help you do what’s in your best interests anyway. That’s why you see all the silly princess graphics and references…just keeping it fun to keep it working. [superemotions file="icon_biggrin.gif" title="Big Grin"]
p.s. You probably won’t be surprised to learn that TheFunTheory.com is a Volkswagon project.

What do you think?
Comment below and let us know where you add fun to help you do what you need to do.

Related posts:

1. The Tipping Point – How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference [Book Review]
2. Taking Action – Do Deadlines Really Work?
3. Video Flip Cam Goes Princess-style!