Success is available to you despite challenging circumstances. It’s important to remember, also, that your self-worth is not defined by your circumstances.

What holds you back? Take some time today to question the beliefs you hold that limit your potential. If you look at a challenging circumstance as a wall that’s impossible to climb, you need a fresh perspective. Within you is everything you need to thrive and excel. The more you question the validity of your limiting beliefs, the more success you’ll experience in your life.

Think of a circumstance in your life that you believe is preventing you from something you want. Write it down, then get ready to challenge that limiting belief. If you do, you’ll begin to move toward the success you deserve.

Use these strategies to maintain a positive self-worth, regardless of your circumstances:

1.      Find the cause. What is the cause of the circumstance in your life? Sometimes, limiting beliefs can serve as warning signs that help you avoid danger. What can you learn from this so you avoid triggering a similar situation in the future?

• If the cause of your situation is unclear, ask friends and family for their input. Others see your life from a different perspective, and their input can be valuable in determining the root of your difficulty.

2.      Get past the blame game. You can often be your own worst critic. Fortunately, negative self-talk often has very little basis in reality. Choose to replace the doubts of your inner critic with more productive thinking.

• Once a negative thought has taught you its intended lesson, it has served its purpose. If you choose to hold onto those negative thoughts, they will begin to form a negative self-image in your mind. This unbalanced view of your talents and strengths holds you back.

• Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts about your circumstances, learn the lesson and resolve to move on. Find out what you can do differently to avoid a repeat of your present situation. Then, when negative thoughts enter your mind, choose to replace your self-talk with productive thoughts instead.

3.      Cut yourself some slack. Recognize that you’re human. Everyone makes mistakes, but your attitude determines your altitude in life. You are valuable regardless of your present predicament. You are worthwhile even when you slip up or falter. Your circumstances simply provide feedback and an opportunity to learn and grow.

4.      Make the most of it. When you recognize that you’re valuable despite your circumstances, you’ll begin to make the most of every opportunity. Stumbling blocks you face can become stepping stones to the success you deserve, simply by changing what you focus on.

• Instead of feeling helpless, ask yourself: “What’s great about this?” Every situation provides something of value if you look for it.

5.      Ask for help. Loved ones and friends often see strengths in you that go without notice. Ask them what they believe your strengths are. This is where your self-worth is found. Everyone has something of value to contribute.

• Once you recognize your unique talents, gifts, and abilities, you’ll see life in a whole new way. You’ll seek opportunities to use your talents to bless others. You’ll gain confidence that comes from conquering challenges that once made you cringe.
• Instead of allowing your circumstances to dictate who you are, you’ll make the rules!

6.      Live one day at a time. Despite your best efforts, some days simply provide one frustration after another. When this happens, you have a choice. You can let your circumstances defeat you, or you can choose a more positive perspective.

Resolve today to find your strengths, and to remember that your self-worth is NOT determined by your circumstances. Learn from your difficult circumstances. Instead of tying your self-worth to your circumstances, choose to see things as they really are. You were created with unique talents and gifts. When you find those gifts within yourself and put them to use, you’ll know how valuable you truly are.

Related posts:

1. Self-Doubt – 2 Causes – 2 Solutions

You betcha!

This book is one in a series of girl-empowerment books by Carmela LaVigna Coyle, designed to let little girls know that yes, indeedy, princesses can do whatever they please, and that being a princess has nothing to do with outside trappings, but with inside feelings.  Feelings of goodness and worthiness, mind you – not entitlement, beauty or putting on airs.

Cole says she was inspired to write this book after her daughter asked her the title question.  It is written for pre-school level, so be prepared for the cute, whimsical rhyming. The text consists of a mother’s rhymed answers to her daughter’s questions about princesses, such as, “When princesses laugh, do they sometimes snort?  They have manners of every sort.”

What’s great about these stories is that they expand the idea of what it means to be completely and fully all of who you are – that self-esteem is based on accepting and loving you exactly as you are – the same message inherent in everything here at PersonalGrowthPrincess.com. Considering how many messages girls (and women) get about not being good enough, not being worthy, and, of course, that being pretty is what counts, this book is a wonderful counter-message.

Here’s a snippet from Carmela LaVigna Coyle’s biography:

“Hmmmm. An uncommon princess!? What’s that all about… well it’s about YOU!! And who you are on the inside. I wrote my first “published” book for my daughter Annie after she asked me the title question. “Do princesses wear hiking boots?” We were getting ready to go on a hike in the Rocky’s when she plopped down next to me wearing denim coveralls, a pink sparkling tutu, an old t-shirt, mismatching socks and a crown askew on her head. Before I could answer her question, she fired a second one; “Do princesses have to brush their teeth?” and then a third. (Can you believe it? Hand-fed a storybook title by a four-year-old? Happens all the time, I am told.) Quickly I discovered that she was trying to learn if she, herself, could possibly qualify as a princess.

The princess in my princess series climb trees, ride bikes-fast, plays soccer, dresses up (on occasion,) does chores, and loves to be outside in nature. Sound familiar? A princess doesn’t have to be fluffy and frilly to be the real deal… unless, of course, you like that sort of thing. Anything goes, my dears. “…A princess is a place in your heart.” And the best part? You decide what that is! Or not!”

I’m always drawn to these books, in part because of all the anti-princess messages I heard growing up (along with the “not yet worthy” ones), but also because of how they can impact grown women as well. Some members of Personal Growth Princess tell me that initially they were not drawn to the name of the program, because of the word “princess”, but once they read more about it and understood they were reacting from the negative conditioning they received as young girls, they jump on board. There’s something liberating about being able to think “princess” without thinking “wimpy”.

There are other books in the series, which seems to have become a runaway hit: Do Princesses Really Kiss Frogs? and Do Princesses Scrape Their Knees? and other titles.  The rumors are the latest book in the series, Do Princesses Have Best Friends Forever?, will be out near the end of the year.

What messages did you receive about who you were as a child? And was it OK to be interested in princesses? Could you kick butt and be girly?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Related posts:

1. The Princess School – the book series for empowered princesses

According to Donna LeBlanc, author of The Passion Principle: Discover Your Personal Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationshps in Love, Life and Work, there are 5 distinct ways we deal with our fears, tap into our passions and strengths, and relate to others.

Your passion signature is the way you express your passion and seek fulfillment. When you know your passion signature – along with the pitfalls that accompany them – you no longer react to the world around you, but instead are able to respond from a place of strength, a place of passion. Your self-esteem and your confidence increase because your are operating from your natural passion.

The five passion signatures LeBlanc describes are:

The Visionary

• motivated by excellence
• optimistic
• born leader
• wants to make the world a better place

The Warrior

• thrives in leadership roles
• enjoy leading people out of struggle
• has a big heart, though it may be hidden
• loads of integrity

The Lover

• thrives in 1-1 relationships
• great nurturer
• loves to learn about other people and their lives

The Creator

• great problem solver and negotiator
• can see all sides of an issue
• helps people find common ground and understanding

The Prophet

• spiritual teacher
• have new knowledge to share with the world
• have psychic abilities, though may not have recognized them yet

Each signature, or archetype, also has what might be considered a shadow side – the way you behave when you are at your worst, in the throes of fear and reaction.

If you’re the Visionary, you may have focus so much on the vision you are trying to create that you neglect to live in the hear and now. They are so used to putting a positive spin on everything that visionaries often have difficulty being completely authentic if what they feel is less than positive. You can get stuck in the role of perfectionist.

If you are the Warrior, you tend to put others’ needs before your own. You tend to feel misunderstood by others, and have often felt betrayed by someone you trusted. You may have been described as a “bull in a china shop” at some point in your life. Because of this you also have your guard up and are quick to take on the role of a Conqueror.

If you are the Lover, not only are you great in 1-1 relationships, you may need them so much that you feel uncomfortable or afraid when you are alone (not in a relationship). You need validation and often want to be the center of attention. You may even be highly flirtatious or use sex to connect with another, hence the reason the role of vamp is the shadow side of the Lover.

If you are the  Creator, you have creative ideas that take you in different directions, making it difficult to make decisions and follow-through. You end up feeling scattered. You are also a people-pleaser, and so tend not to ask for what you need. Hence you take on the role of a martyr.

If you are the Prophet, you may have a tendency to feel unsafe, particularly if you are aware of how different you are fro others. You may isolate yourself rather than reaching out to others to ground you, in part because you are generally mistrusting.  The shadow side of the Prophet is the escapist.

Do you recognize yourself in any of these passion signatures?

If you’d like to learn more about them, be sure to check out the book summary (September 2010).

Related posts:

1. How Your Authentic Archetype Helps You Navigate Self Doubt So That You Are Free to Embody Your Brilliance…
2. September self-help book summary added to member page
3. Can a cookbook be a self-help book? [interview]

You might have been disappointed about the way something turned out…or disappointed in something about yourself…or disappointed that all your efforts didn’t pay off the way you were expecting.

One of the places disappointment shows up is when we haven’t achieved the success we wanted, or we aren’t “being” the person we want to be. That no matter how hard we try at something, we just can’t make it happen.

In the world of personal growth it often shows up as trying to be something you are not. This leads to all sort of issues – low self-esteem, frustration, lack of faith, depression, feeling like an imposter and fearing what will happen if people find out the ‘truth” about you.

Remember, though, that one of our mottoes at Personal Growth Princess is:

To be someone you are not is to waste the person you are.

Honoring who you really are – your talents, your skills, the things that make you happy, the areas you aren’t so strong in…all of it – is part of the process of turning disappointment into Joy.

And that, of course, is one of the keys to resilience and overcoming adversity.

I found this video that tells a perfect story of turning disappointment into joy – into truly overwhelming joy.
As you know, I’m an animal lover and donate a portion of all proceeds to animal rescue organizations, so it should be no surprise when you see the role a dog plays in this video.

What may surprise you is how moved you are by what you see.

As you watch…ask yourself, “Where am I trying to make myself something I’m not? What am I truly great at? What really brings me joy?”

I have no doubt you’ll find a remarkable and beautiful point of intersection between the skills you’ve gained by trying to be something, and the thing that really brings you JOY.

It’s only 5 minutes long. Trust me, you WILL want to watch all the way through.

Enjoy – and share your thoughts below in the comments section.

What would happen if you let go of who you think you “ought” to be, and instead reveled in knowing you are perfect just the way you are?

Related posts:

1. Nina’s Inspirational Video
2. Video Flip Cam Goes Princess-style!
3. Princess Ring…a royal gift from Alicia Smith [video]
4. The Law of Exposure – use your mind to achieve your goals [video]

I’m thrilled to announce I’ve been invited back to Self Care Mastery for another interview – this time on the topic of Self-Doubt.

We’re going to take a different approach than usual, incorporating the authentic archetypes (signature styles) from The Passion Principle by best-selling author Donna LeBlanc.

** The Passion Principle is the featured book summary this month! You can access additional resources by visiting the Member page.
You can also read a short description about the book and book summary on the announcements page.

Sign up to attend this free telesminar at Self Care Mastery!

Most books and articles on self-doubt spend 90% of the time describing what self-doubt is and 10% of the time giving suggestions for ways to deal with it.

The problem with most approaches to self-doubt is, at best they are inane, and at worst, they reinforce feelings of self-doubt. Most self-help material on self-doubt suggest strategies that deal focus on surface issues and willpower without going beneath the surface to what’s really going and identifying strategies and keys for growth specific to your signature style.

But don’t worry – we won’t stop there. We wouldn’t want to be guilty of the same 90%/10% problem! We’ll take a look at signature styles (archetypes) and how they influence us, as well as provide keys to growth that help reframe and transform self-doubt. We’ll also take a look at some of the latest scientific research on “positivity” – and what most people do that actually decreases their positivity and sense of well-being.

In this provocative (some might even say controversial) look at self-doubt, Nina East, certified coach and Founder of PersonalGrowthPrincess.com, will lead you in a realistic look at self-doubt and the state of the self-help industry’s ideas on how to overcome it.

This teleclass/interview is hosted by Adela Rubio, a Conscious Business Mentor™ and Telesummit Producer/Host who helps conscious entrepreneurs authentically articulate their essential message and build a conscious business tribe. With five online telesummits under her belt, and more than 64 interviews with conscious business leaders, she is an expert at creating engaging and experiential online virtual events that position you as a thought leader while leveraging talent, time, and technology.

Sign up to attend this free telesminar at Self Care Mastery!

Related posts:

1. Self-Doubt – 2 Causes – 2 Solutions
2. Get your free copy of The Think Big Manifesto!
3. Accepting Praise Gracefully – how it helps you…and the other person

I had not heard it…until I met Deborah Nelson, author of From Rainy Days to Sexy Nights Cookbook: Simple and Inspirational Recipes to Fit Your Mood.

Deborah is the spunky – fiery? – owner of SaucyWellness.com – with the tagline “healthy living one juicy bite at a time”. Her cookbook  is really about living a juicy life – savoring all aspects of your life – with a healthy eating twist.

Food affects everything – from self-esteem to happiness to your level of confidence.

Food creates the environment in your body – an environment of stress or an environment of peace. There are many other factors affecting stress, of course, but food is one that many of us turn to. Deborah’s goal is to help people turn to it in a way that serves their goals and soothes their souls, rather than a short term relief that creates longer-term challenges.

The recipes are divided into 4 categories: Rainy Days, Summer Sensations, Heal Me, and Sexy Nights. In the interview below she explains what these categories mean and how to use the food we select to alter our mood. She says that “food creates who you are – you choose your mood in the moment by choosing your food.”

Below is an interview I conducted with Deborah a couple of weeks ago. She has also generously agreed to provide a set of 5 recipes to members of PersonalGrowthPrincess, as well as a free complimentary consultation session. If you want some support on how your eating habits affect your mood, energy levels, weight and also your libido, I encourage you to take her up on it right away! Info is available on the Members page. (Please note, this is an additional fabulous bonus – on top of your regular monthly bonus tools.)

Here is one of my favorite recipes from From Rainy Days to Sexy Nights – in fact, almost everyone in my family has asked for a copy!
Black Bean Salad With Pineapple! (muy delicioso!)

One of the funny and paradoxical things about Deborah is that she says she isn’t really a cook. She’s obviously does cook, and she is a certified health and wellness coach, but her mission expands far beyond the kitchen. Her passion is really about helping people live truly SAUCY lives…whether it be your personal or professional life. When people are living a saucy life, they are more relaxed, more passionate, and have less stress – the biggest element of disease (and the biggest impediment to losing weight – a subject we talked about quite a bit).

You can order the book directly from her website – Saucy Wellness.com.

Be sure to leave a comment below and let me know what you think about the interview, the recipes, or the concept of a cookbook as a self-help book…

Related posts:

1. Princess Expectations: How to Raise Your Expectations of Yourself
2. What is your personal passion signature?

I think it’s admirable to pursue this, and having nothing against the personal growth professionals and authors who teach on this subject. But it has got me wondering…

What if you don’t know what your life purpose is?

What if you can’t find your life purpose, or can’t figure it out?

You never hear the experts who teach this for a living talk about the people who go through their seminars and leave feeling no more clear than when they started. But it happens. A lot.

People who can’t find “a powerful life purpose”, or don’t know “IT” are often embarrassed and/or feel “less than” others who have found theirs. Sometimes they end up just saying something because of all the peer pressure.

There’s really nothing wrong with making one up or simply deciding what you want it to be. We pretty much make up all the other meanings in our lives, right?

I have a confession.

I have no idea what my life purpose is, or if I even have one.

I know there are things I’m great at and skills, talents, actions, etc. that come to me naturally. And there are plenty of things I can’t not do (which is what many people say is the clue to your purpose). For example I can’t pass a piece of peanut butter fudge without tasting it…but somehow I’m thinking that isn’t what people mean.

So is it possible you DON’T have a specific purpose or calling?

It probably depends on your spiritual beliefs.

So what do you do if the pressure to find a “life purpose” is bringing you down or lowering your self-esteem?

• Quit Looking.
  Just take the pressure off. There’s no rule that says you have to have a “change the world” reason for being. Lighten up and give yourself a break.
• Follow your interests.
  You’re living your life anyway, so why not follow your interests? You’ll have more fun, it will be easier, and it may just provide clues to a budding sense of purpose. I’m not saying you have to find a purpose, though. But who knows…maybe your real purpose is to be a model of following your bliss and not getting caught up in all the hoopla.

How’s that for relieving some pressure?

So how do you deal with not being sure of your purpose? Or if you are sure, what were the clues you followed?

Related posts:

1. Change Your Life Today: No Cost Ways to Uplevel Your Life
2. The Trophy Effect: You are not your mind – 55 minutes that will change your Life!
3. Helping Kids Develop a Positive Outlook on Life

The frustrating paradox is that self-doubt actually creates unwavering certainty – certainty that you cannot do/say/be what you want, that you aren’t good enough, or that the risks far outweigh the possible gains.

This is because of the nasty self-perpetuating cycle self-doubt creates. You doubt yourself in a particular area so you hold yourself back from doing/saying/being something. This in turn gives you evidence that you don’t “have what it takes”, which usually gets translated to “See? I’m not good enough”.

When asked about what affects or feeds their self-doubt, readers generally pointed to two things. Given the commitment to personal growth and self-improvement members and readers at PersonalGrowthPrincess.com have I wasn’t surprised at the insight. But because this seems to be a fairly universal issue, I also was not surprised that there were very few suggestions for what to do about it.

The first element feeding self-doubt is not trusting your inner guidance, your intuition. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say the problem is not knowing whether what you are experiencing is really inner guidance, or a fear or anxiety speaking.

We often “know” something but don’t trust that knowing. After all, how do you know when you know? This is usually a result of not practicing using this information, but can also come from trusting your intuition and ending up with negative consequences. That can magnify self-doubt.

The key distinction is that inner guidance always brings relief (sometimes coupled with excitement), almost always whispers, and never criticizes. If you hear a yelling voice in your head – and you aren’t in imminent physical danger – chances are it’s your fear talking, not your intuition.

Inner guidance can have a strong and assertive voice, but will not have an ounce of self-judgment in it.

The second element feeding self-doubt is that of being overly influenced by other people – letting their opinions – or what you imagine their opinions might be – outweigh your own perspective.

It’s important to note that there is a significant difference between seeking input from someone who has experience and skill in an area you are not familiar with, and altering your behavior or feelings about yourself based solely on what someone else thinks – or what you imagine they will think.

In fact, the imagination is often the crux of the matter. Research by Thomas Gilovich, Justin Kruger and Victoria Medevec (Journal of Personal and Social Psychology), found that most of us exaggerate the perception others will have about us – both positive and negative – or even what they will remember about us at all. We don’t just exaggerate it a little, we double it. In other words, people are half as likely to have a judgment about us as we think they are.

Talk about setting ourselves up for failure…

But wait, there’s even more…if we are contemplating someone’s opinion of us just after experiencing a failure or poor performance (in our own assessment), we exaggerate the perceived judgments even more. As if it weren’t bad enough that we are not pleased with our performance, add to the intensity of our self-doubt by imagining others’ judgments far, far beyond what is true.

Can you see how this distorted judgment can add to the slippery slope of self-doubt?

It may be hard to believe that other people actually think about us very little, but that’s the truth. So how do you change this?

Knowing you do this can provide some relief from self-doubt. People who are overly anxious about how they will come across will tend to hold back from taking action. This is generally followed by regret about not taking the action, and we’re back at the same self-perpetuating cycle. (Sound familiar?)

Just recognizing this is part of the path to greater self-confidence and self-esteem. Instead of over-exaggerating what you think people’s perceptions will be, intentionally reduce what you think they will think by at least half. Probably more. Don’t worry – you aren’t likely to underestimate.

So quit worrying about what others think about you – chances are they haven’t even noticed.
And start listening to the quieter, calmer voice when looking for inner guidance.

Put these two strategies into action and you will begin to see a shift in your self-doubt almost immediately.

If you have ideas or suggestions you can share with others, please share them in the comments section below!

Related posts:

1. How Your Authentic Archetype Helps You Navigate Self Doubt So That You Are Free to Embody Your Brilliance…
2. Is Dr. Phil a Personal Growth Princess?
3. Famous Failures…how do you deal with adversity?

There is an important distinction that needs to be made in order to have a more helpful understanding of jealousy, one which can actually raise your self-esteem…

Jealousy is a mental uneasiness about something or someone, usually triggered by seeing or experiencing something you wish you had or wish you could do. It is an awareness of difference, and a wishing for something similar to be in your own life.

Jealousy has developed a negative connotation in part because of general cultural perspectives, but also because of the inappropriate behavior that sometimes follows. We tend to get emotion and behavior mixed up, but, jealousy, as a feeling, does not have to be negative. In fact, it can be quite positive and empowering if you look at it the right way.

Resentment, on the other hand, has a bite to it. It involves a sense of indignation, of having been wronged by the other person, and even the belief that when they have something you do not, whether it be a skill, a relationship, or a tangible item, that it has somehow made you “less than”.

Words, and therefore feelings, are defined by other words. How you define something gives it its meaning. The word “resentment” is often used to define jealousy, but that doesn’t have to be so.

If you were to choose to eliminate the word “resentment” from your definition, and experience, of jealousy, what might be different?

If you believe that you are “less than” someone who has what you do not yet have, or if you believe their having it reduces your chances of ever having it, then you are experiencing Resentment, not jealousy. Resentment has a definite self-esteem lowering quality. Not only do you feel bad about yourself because you don’t have what the other person does, you may even feel guilty for feeling resentment, setting off a downward spiral of lower self-esteem.

What if jealousy were just a signal to you about something more you want to be, do, or have? The actual person who triggered the jealous response is not as important as the desire it brings up in you. Jealousy can give you clarity about what you really want. It can help you define precisely what you want to create in your life or business. The more clear you are about what you want, the easier it is to take productive action – and one of the greatest self-esteem boosters is taking effective action.

If you believed this about jealousy, how much more gentle would you be with yourself? How much more understanding would you be of other people? How much more likely would you be to get into action because you have a “possibility” mentality versus a “lack” mentality? How much higher could you raise your self-esteem by defining jealousy in a positive way, rather than trying to eliminate it?

Leave a comment below – I’d love to know what you think!

Related posts:

1. Big Bowl of Self Esteem
2. Princess Expectations: How to Raise Your Expectations of Yourself

I bring it up because of a recent study published in Psychological Science which examined the question:

Is the happy life characterized by shallow, happy-go-lucky moments and trivial small talk, or by reflection and profound social encounters?

Popular wisdom, all songs aside, might make you think that the social butterfly who can flit from small-talk conversation to small-talk conversation, would be far happier than the group of people clustered on the couches having a deep meaningful conversation.

Ignorance is bliss, yes?

Not so, says this study – which is more reliable than previous studies because it did not rely on self-reported behavior.

Researchers found that higher well-being was actually associated with having less small talk, and having more substantive conversations.
(“Substantive” meaning a conversation in which meaningful information was exchanged. More along the lines of “I hear your new job has been really demanding. Tell me about it” and less “Oh, I love that dress! Where did you get it?”)

Here are some other interesting findings from the study:

The happiest participants spent about 25% less time alone and about 70% more time talking.

The happiest people also had about 1/3 less small talk, and twice as many substantive conversations.

From the report: “Together, the present findings demonstrate that the happy life is social rather than solitary, and conversationally deep rather than superficial.”

Of course, this was not a cause-and-effect study, so we can only take the results as correlational.

It could mean that happy people are natural attractors of deeper conversations, making people comfortable enough to talk about things that actually matter.
Or, it could be that deep conversations actually make people happier.

This raises the interesting possibility that happiness can be expanded or developed by intentionally having more substantive conversations, and resisting the temptation to stay at the “cocktail party conversation” level.

I think women have known this for a long time. We feel better about ourselves when we connect with other people, and if we can share something meaningful and important, we feel even more so. That’s not to say that a fun shopping spree doesn’t get the happy vibes going…but my guess is there are some pretty important conversations going on between dressing room doors.

Whether happy people naturally have deeper conversations, or deeper conversations make people happier, it’s good to know that both work in our favor. Personal Growth Princesses like deep conversations. We crave knowing more about ourselves and more about what makes other people tick. Maybe we are the best-positioned to get happy?!

I’m curious – what’s your take on this? Do you feel a greater sense of well-being after you’ve had a meaningful conversation, or after a series of surface level chats? Leave a comment below and let us know.

Related posts:

1. Women are not as happy as they used to be!
2. More Happy, Less Crappy
3. Worry Less, Live More – Michael Beckwith’s ideas on anxiety